tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83597135370878620542023-11-16T08:04:09.899-06:00Friendly MamaFriendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.comBlogger297125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-63333499285248942692014-10-15T13:26:00.002-06:002014-10-16T09:32:20.619-06:00The Weight That Is Not A Burden<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">After my last blogpost about <a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2014/10/spiritual-hospitality-learning-from.html">Spiritual Hospitality</a>, a Friend asked me to talk more about “that sense of responsibility that is not a burden.” I was given and shared a message in worship Sunday about being faithful with small leadings of The Spirit and growing into greater faithfulness until we become filled with faith.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br /><br />As co-clerk of Ministry & Counsel and as one of the more seasoned Friends in my community (meaning that I show up, try to follow Quaker process, and take seriously my relationships with The Holy Spirit and my community), I feel a tremendous weight of responsibility. I feel responsible for the spiritual depth of worship and for the pastoral care of individuals in my communities. I feel responsible when I clerk committees and when I name folks to be on committees. I feel responsible when I lead worship sharing and when I present a 2nd hour. I feel responsible for the welcome newcomers get and for the information and messages they receive about our meeting and about Quakerism. I feel responsible for the care of an elderly Friend who is having health problems and for her pets. When someone takes me aside to share about a problem or struggle in their life but aren't ready to ask for support I feel responsible to remember to check-in with them regularly. <br /><br />Mark & I have been hosting Burrow Breadbreaking & Bible Banter for more than a year now. Every week there's a day of cleaning, planning, shopping and cooking for 20 folks (plus days of eating leftovers when only 6 people show up-which is possibly the hardest part). On Wednesday afternoon, we often drive across town to pick up an elderly Friend and then return her home at the end of the evening. After everyone has gone home I spend an hour or two cleaning-up. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9TPX0knE_Yx2bOeoVS4htR66jfS1mQtUUME_BlQxVETiW_E8i0jZNHc9CFtnxdKf89xb6_ZOVwbOtaODjECnaHtuFStPqEPb0hw94FBkpUH6f8APpYWt_BEeIljCedW9DQHfC-HeeXS6l/s1600/NorbertandMarkBeaman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9TPX0knE_Yx2bOeoVS4htR66jfS1mQtUUME_BlQxVETiW_E8i0jZNHc9CFtnxdKf89xb6_ZOVwbOtaODjECnaHtuFStPqEPb0hw94FBkpUH6f8APpYWt_BEeIljCedW9DQHfC-HeeXS6l/s1600/NorbertandMarkBeaman.jpg" height="192" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Those things are, of course, in addition to the everyday tending to the needs of my family, marriage, home, and friends. Norbert (our dog) always needs walking. Finn is always hungry and usually needs new shoes. I should call my folks to see how they're doing. Hmmm, I haven't heard from Z lately. Have we firmed up our Christmas plans yet? How long as it been since I talked to Leslie?</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmkL0qVqzm_2x9krEOoG2-VpSH3eee4O0UXmOOkC-SeeUfW1YdufsjB5YdKCKiuDOZO11bAaTtuNSGe05RgSg0lLSQgP2Z-MwOnalBVqIk8qhx2pAYMhNdiWg1VfFGRZ9kFi0bouggMGgQ/s1600/buddhaware.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmkL0qVqzm_2x9krEOoG2-VpSH3eee4O0UXmOOkC-SeeUfW1YdufsjB5YdKCKiuDOZO11bAaTtuNSGe05RgSg0lLSQgP2Z-MwOnalBVqIk8qhx2pAYMhNdiWg1VfFGRZ9kFi0bouggMGgQ/s1600/buddhaware.jpg" height="320" width="192" /></a><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Thinking about the myriad things I feel charged with the care of, I could be overwhelmed by the weight of it all. I mean, that's a lot of things to worry over if I were inclined to worry. I don't, though, feel overwhelmed or worried. These responsibilities don't feel like a burden for me; they feel like a calling. The life that God and Mark & I have woven together is made of these threads of responsibility. I imagine this life as a fabric that is the substance of The Burrow; so the tables and chairs and couch and stove and awesome Buddhaware are all made of the love that binds me to my communities. I can't feel these as wearisome because they are the life that I have been called by God to live.</span></div>
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has taken me many, many years to grow into </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">this. Many years and many times of failing to be faithful. Many years of feeling like a spiritual teenager, wanting the authority of adulthood and the freedom from too much accountability at the same time. Many small leadings that I fumbled or began but didn't follow through on or completed but then avoided what might come next. But also some leadings that I was true to. Thank God for the Grace of starting over as many times as needed. God stuck with me and tended to me and gave me models and nurturers and community that believed in me. And so over many, many years I grew small leading by small leading into this life that I call a ministry and this work that I call vocation and this self that I can honestly and without irony call a Seasoned Friend. <br /><br />Perhaps because I married a man who fully supports and embraces the leadings of the Holy Spirit I am given, I feel no tension between various aspects of my life, which makes this all possible. I could not have done this 4 or more years ago. I now have the energy, resources, nurturance and the experience to be able to say “Yes!” (or at least, “yes?”) when I feel a Holy nudge. I can ask trusted Friends to sit with me in formal or informal discernment and if I feel the need for accountability or continuing support it is available to me. If a particular concern or situation is too much for me to carry, I can turn to my community and ask for help or say that I need someone else to carry it and I don't feel a sense of failure or immaturity; When I do so with prayerful discernment, I know I am being faithful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Maybe part of my willingness to accept these concerns is that I try to carefully discern whether I should accept them and feel fully able to say “Nope, this work isn't mine to do.” With the ability to say “no” comes submission to the things that are clearly mine: God's work through me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I don't think I can begin to describe the sense I've had in the recent past of feeling well-used. When I leave the meetinghouse on Sunday or sometimes after BBb&BB or a committee meeting I feel like a channel through which God's love flowed. Geez, that sounds really goofy and possibly pretentious or delusional as all get-out but it is true. Sometimes I feel so grateful to be able to serve my community full of sometimes difficult, loving, quirky, needy people in my own imperfect but enthusiastic way that I leave gatherings feeling humility and tenderness like the warmth of my blood coursing through my body. How could I possibly feel this work as a burden when I feel such joy in doing it?</span><br />
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<br />Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-34684119288317506072014-10-07T09:02:00.000-06:002014-10-07T09:51:45.322-06:00Spiritual Hospitality: Learning from the Lord of Hosts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">As co-clerk of NFM's Ministry & Counsel this year, I'm feeling a lot of tenderness and responsibility for the pastoral care of my community. (This is what going to the School of the Spirit's On Being A Spiritual Nurturer program will do for you: Help you step into spiritual responsibility. I'm grateful to have had lessons from some spiritual nurturer heavyweights as I grew into this role.) As co-clerk, and with my husband as clerk of the meeting, I am often the go-to person for needs and feedback. Recently</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"> someone shared with me they have found a spiritual home in our meeting but have not found the individuals to be particularly welcoming. I feel a great weight in what they said because I've had that experience in other situations and I try very hard to make everyone feel welcome and included. Unfortunately, I travel on weekends so much of the time that I hadn't seen them in months so I wasn't there to greet them by name. I will be more intentional about what I commit to that takes me away from home.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">At our M&C committee meeting Sunday I offered the query "What is spiritual hospitality?" I carried the question with me into worship where I wrestled with it. There are all kinds of people in my communities. Yes, I'm very friendly and attempt to connect with folks I encounter but I have no gift for small talk. How in the world do I welcome into my community people who are very shy, or those with whom I have little in common, or the ones who seem to have a very specific agenda, or the possibly mentally ill, or the individuals who seem to want something-an answer or a response of some kind-that I don't understand, or the just plain weird (in a way at odds to my own weirdness)? How do I connect with each of them? How do I embody the radical inclusion that Jesus modeled when so often my mind is on several things at once and only partly attending to the conversation at hand?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5W5XlMmls76VcO5Q-m7qfP6Tl268YaGfEXZcadySYFA8w4ZtNsrlzmNs1RHB7k8umDgxfErY7o1kvRcEOllBIt29F3iipp2pTbk0TkVkTSuTz24imXRpa3jvB-L8Llnrpx6dKYV8EBYDc/s1600/10314613_891303850884406_8696147790966578955_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5W5XlMmls76VcO5Q-m7qfP6Tl268YaGfEXZcadySYFA8w4ZtNsrlzmNs1RHB7k8umDgxfErY7o1kvRcEOllBIt29F3iipp2pTbk0TkVkTSuTz24imXRpa3jvB-L8Llnrpx6dKYV8EBYDc/s1600/10314613_891303850884406_8696147790966578955_n.jpg" height="320" width="192" /></a><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Many years ago, back when I was new to Friends and had just discovered that God was with me and that we'd been in relation all along except I hadn't realized, I'd been having difficulty with a family member and was praying about what to do. This is one of those crazy mystical things that will seem delusional to some but what happened was that I very clearly heard a voice in my ear say "Love her." Wha?! But, yes. And with those words came a sense of, sort of, mission.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">That's what I feel with my communities, that I'm called to love each person who makes up the crazyquilt world I live in. But how do I do that when I may not have a clue what to do with them? Or like when I'm busy/tired/distracted/irritated...in other words, most of the time?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Sitting in worship with this, I thought about how often we talk about trying to see "That of God" in others. When W was President, you heard a lot of messages in worship about trying to love him but being unable to find his humanity so trying to see That of God in him. The thing is, though, that we'll never be able to reach That of God in another unless we're first in touch with It in ourselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I think the only way I will ever be able to truly minister to my community is if I actively follow the example of Jesus. He prayed a lot. He prayed alone and he prayed with his closest peeps. He was very aware of his need to feel close to God. I have a responsibility to my community to attend to my relationship with God through active spiritual practice. When I get outside myself enough to become aware, to listen and wait, to give thanks and share myself with God, then I feel Christ living in me and working through me. That's when I am able to know That of God within me. When I ask Christ to work through me as I minister to my community, I don't have to compensate for my shortcomings and worry that I may let someone down because what I'm giving is myself with the added power boost of the Lord of hosts. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">The other element that I'm growing into is the absolute importance of following through. Having the conversation, doing the check-in, holding someone in need, receiving the news are all good in the moment but if I don't follow through (either by doing the work myself or by drawing on the gifts of others in my community) then I have failed. I've never been good at finishing things. I'm creative and spontaneous and in-the-moment and pretty much the opposite of detail oriented. The last couple of years I think God's been nudging me to learn and giving me lots of situations for practice. I was able to go on sabbatical from my job so I can devote more time and energy to my Quaker work (including writing stuff like this). So now I don't have any excuse to not follow through. Having built this life to do the work of the Holy Spirit, I feel the weight of responsibility as a blessing rather than a burden. Serving my community, even with really difficult or potentially painful work, is a tie that binds me closer to God. </span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-82413906086460202482013-11-15T09:42:00.000-06:002013-11-15T09:42:00.599-06:00If I'm Devout Now, Was I Vout Before?<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Last night was Finn's birthday so we switched up bible study for hymn singing. We had, I think, 19 people here, including 5 young people, 1 infant, 1 young adult and her mother visiting from out of town and a bunch of others. We had some wonderful musicians with us so the music was as good as it was delightful and soul-enriching. Finn requested chili for supper so I made a pot of turkey chili and a pot of vegetarian along with a mess of sweet cornbread. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I spent all day getting ready for the gathering: cooking, cleaning, decorating the cake with a frosting image of Link from Legend of Zelda, as well as tending Evie. It was a busy day, but rewarding, and everything was ready (if not tidy) by the time folks began showing up at 5:00. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">The evening was lovely; everyone got along well, conversation flowed, and food was devoured. Finn's birth was celebrated with laughter and song. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">After everyone had gone and I'd spent a little time putting the kitchen back in order, started the dishwasher, tucked Finn in bed and started a load of clothes so he would have clean pants in the morning, I headed to bed. As I brushed my teeth, I reflected on the day and thought about how much I like my life and then a realization hit me: I like who I am. I feel like I'm living up to the person God is calling me to be. This life that Mark and I have created together is an extension of who we are as we live together in God's presence. What a blessing!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">When Mark returned from taking a friend home, we were talking about the evening and in reference to something, these words popped out of my mouth: "We <i>are</i> devout Christians, after all." Wha?! God has really been doing a number on me to own the word "devout" but after some reflection, I decided that I do own it. I'm not a devout Christian in any orthodox sense of that word: I swear a lot and I'm snarky and rude; I laugh at (and occasionally make) blasphemous jokes; I'm moody and frequently cranky; I'm judgmental about everything under the sun (because, despite these faults I'm listing, I am obviously perfect and everyone should do what I say: "Thank you God for making me better than fill-in-the-blank"). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">The kind of Christian I am doesn't adhere to any creed or dogma. I don't follow anyone else's ideas of sin and I have no attachment to the idea of Salvation in any usual Christian sense of the word. I am a devout Christian because I try to faithfully follow Christ. I try to make room (time + energy) to hear Christ speaking to me and I try really hard to be devoted enough so Christ can speak through me. I give thanks to God all over the place and I'm learning to turn to God with my sorrows and trouble, as well. I am a devout Christian because every day Jesus teaches me the way I want to live: with the awareness that this is not my world but God's. I'm learning what is my responsibility to share with others and how to do that. I'm a devout Christian because Jesus modeled compassion and faith and righteousness and when I emulate that model, however poorly I succeed, I find myself in the Slipstream, flowing with God's intentions for me.</span><br />
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Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-21637965254487344372013-09-15T05:45:00.000-06:002013-09-15T05:48:59.710-06:00Grace<div align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
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many years, I've felt that reincarnation needs to be true because for
me it seemed reincarnation was the only afterlife scenario that would
be fair. I haven't put much time or energy into the study of
reincarnation but I couldn't reject the idea because of this: What
about all the people who are born into terrible circumstances and are
never given the chance to know love? How can they possibly experience
God's love if they never feel safe and cherished? If reincarnation
was not true, then those people would live and die (and probably
cause a lot of harm in the interim) without seeing their worth
reflected to them in another's eyes. I can't imagine a worse hell.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnAvSTsEgRF1KTFft3m270dXE_MreXgP75S0476FXiEcLLe3W5Zt1_bZ4O8MmARy7tMxLKLpv_hJW5iQ4Eznxb8gHNeF_Ipz0d5icFKOtM_3f5TtQ9Qan3KSkLkYCLOvB7qZct-Ge4mydC/s1600/DSC05354.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnAvSTsEgRF1KTFft3m270dXE_MreXgP75S0476FXiEcLLe3W5Zt1_bZ4O8MmARy7tMxLKLpv_hJW5iQ4Eznxb8gHNeF_Ipz0d5icFKOtM_3f5TtQ9Qan3KSkLkYCLOvB7qZct-Ge4mydC/s200/DSC05354.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cate's flowers with Bill's cross</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Lately,
though, I've given a lot of thought to Grace. The word has a lot of
meanings and nuances amongst Christians, but the way I mean it right
now is an awareness of the gift of God's love. Many traditional
Christians mean salvation when they talk about grace. It is possible
my definition aligns with theirs from a different angle:
Enlightenment, Grace, Salvation each mean to become awakened to the
knowledge that we are all of God and living in God all the time. But
that's a thought for another post.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">What
I've been thinking is that we're all granted the same amount of Grace
but not the same measures in the same time. Some of us are gifted
with plenty of God's Grace at birth when we are born to parents who
love us and nurture us and guide us. We have stability and tenderness
in our lives. Others are born into love but with less of one or more
of those other elements: perhaps we're born into a loving family but
live in poverty, or we're born into material comfort but inconsistent
love, or our parent loves us but has an illness that prevents them
from always being able to nurture us as we need or any of a million
situations. And then there are those of us who are born into
heartbreaking circumstances with no love nor nurturing at all.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">If we
all get the same amount of Grace and some of us get most of it up
front, that means that some of us get it in increments throughout our
lives and maybe some of us get it in one big chunk right at the end.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">And not
only that but I think maybe those of us who get a bigger helping
early in life and who have more resources and abilities as a result
have a responsibility to share our Grace with others. I think we are
supposed </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1brTN5J979h04tM6QfsY2le3BGeKkMC_GF2QMzfbmFjCHnfxcC57F2Fbmo_MpHkYXBEgnCUlNIxNqbER6lTLnhZm7zzHzvGtfVLopDveNtXK5I39XEaPXjCOj7DR6nCZfD7oaFJ4SFsHd/s1600/DSC05086.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1brTN5J979h04tM6QfsY2le3BGeKkMC_GF2QMzfbmFjCHnfxcC57F2Fbmo_MpHkYXBEgnCUlNIxNqbER6lTLnhZm7zzHzvGtfVLopDveNtXK5I39XEaPXjCOj7DR6nCZfD7oaFJ4SFsHd/s320/DSC05086.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">to help provide those dollops of Grace so that those of who
weren't so blessed at birth get to experience love, tenderness and
stability through the actions of others. Perhaps as we live up to the
Grace given us, we're given more to share (“Live up to the Light
granted thee...”).</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUCx1JEJaYFRVT6CXlLBjM_ah3mjntLI6Nm2Zf0BlkGngVSCy1Ubj6VBhcPRdSROQEHbw8DKlFCWUN9dY00TJ4sdG7gRcq44LtlplyFQ_9_yqtWMw8WCATUePYdEKK7wSUBL1pN_ntWAy/s1600/DSC05372.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUCx1JEJaYFRVT6CXlLBjM_ah3mjntLI6Nm2Zf0BlkGngVSCy1Ubj6VBhcPRdSROQEHbw8DKlFCWUN9dY00TJ4sdG7gRcq44LtlplyFQ_9_yqtWMw8WCATUePYdEKK7wSUBL1pN_ntWAy/s320/DSC05372.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo of St. Francis statue by Mary Linda</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">“Pull
yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality really pisses me off. It
implies that we were all born with exact equal measures and anybody
who is not as successful (whatever that means) according to a
socially defined standard has failed through their own fault or
weakness. If Grace works the way I currently understand it, we are
all responsible for one another. I have been given a tremendous
amount of Grace and it is my responsibility to share as much as I can
with those who have less. I am called to share my love, my
acceptance, my compassion and my awareness of God's transformative
presence as well as my home, my money, and my other resources.
</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">If
Grace is true, I don't need to hold any undefined hopes for
reincarnation. But, if Grace as I understand it is true, I am called
to a much greater level of responsibility than I have previously been
aware of. Thankfully, another way I understand grace is that God
allows us to be able to start over anew as many times as necessary
and welcomes us back each time with joy and nary a bit of impatience.</span></div>
Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-15977457406506850412013-08-03T07:56:00.004-06:002017-07-01T09:23:23.153-06:00Burrow Breadbreaking & Bible Banter<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mark & I hosted our first Burrow Bible Study on Wednesday after talking about it for a long, long time.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The original idea goes back 4 or 5 years to when I was eye-balling houses in East Nashville in preparation for my new life. I had a vision of a Wednesday evening worship open to everyone. I felt called to make it inclusive and not necessarily affiliated with Nashville Friends Meeting. I imagined feeding people, music, silent worship, vocal ministry and prayer. When I would look at houses, I'd try to picture trying to hold worship in them. I felt God drawing me toward that life. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The changes I experienced over the next couple of years put a lot of things on hold. But then Mark and I stepped into this life together and he shares all my desires and feels the same call to provide hospitality and to be an active member of the Body of Christ and we fell in love and bought the Burrow and began talking about hosting a Bible study or maybe a worship group. Unfortunately, we got bogged down in the details: What night is best? Food? What kind of Bible study? How do we keep it from becoming a lecture of Bible translations and historical context? Oh geez, the house is such a wreck. What about kids? We travel so much when's a good time to start it? etcetera.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A couple of weeks ago, I got a nudge from God about it and brought it up to Mark. We started to debate all the above details that we get so easily mired in but we sort of stopped and turned it around. Rather than coming up with problems, we stated what we could do, what felt right and clear. Start at 5:00. Provide a vegetarian meal so nobody has to cook dinner or even make a dish to share (this feels very important to me). Clean the house so it is comfortable but don't worry about perfection. Use a lectionary and the format used by Rich Square Monthly Meeting in North Carolina Yearly Meeting-Conservative so the Bible study doesn't become caught up in head-learning but can be about continuing revelation. Invite everyone regardless of religious affiliation but stress respect and listening in tongues. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Even with our forward moving ideas, we still didn't do anything to plan it. But Sunday during worship, God told me to just do it. When worship ended, I leaned over to Mark and asked how he felt about me announcing it for Wednesday: he looked surprised but said "Yes!" and so I invited everybody at worship, sent an email to the NFM list and posted about it on facebook. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We had a total of 11 people (including us + our "grandbaby" Evster). We had 2 Friend-friendly folk (a Methodist and a Pentecostal smart-ass) and 2 FUM (a different branch of Quakerism) Friends. We didn't really have any expectations for the evening although we did have a loose plan. Dinner was 5-6 and we thought Bible study would start a few minutes after 6:00. Of course it was a bit later than that but not too much. We moved from the table to the parlor where I introduced worship sharing, explained "listening in tongues" and Mark gave us the context of the <a href="http://lectionary.library.vanderbilt.edu/" style="color: #1155cc;">Lectionary</a> and provided the Bible passages. There wasn't much silence between speakers and people pretty much instantly forgot about not speaking twice until everyone had a chance to speak but you'll have that in worship sharing. I think it went really well. People seemed open about themselves and with one another, and respectful. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We don't know where this will lead or what will come of it. When we invited people this week, we hadn't yet committed to making it a weekly thing but we are feeling led to do so, for now at least. In talking further about it, we decided to devote one gathering a month to music and hymn singing so we will do that the 3rd Wednesday of August and I'm really excited about it! I don't expect we'll have more than a couple of people who come consistently and so each week will have a totally different vibe. I anticipate there will be weeks in which Mark, Finn & I are the only people here and other weeks when we'll have a full house. I trust the Lord to help us remain open and loving, no matter what unfolds week-by-week. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Other than being aware to avoid the siren call of biblical interpretation, the main problem I find is the size of our parlor. We have this huge house that is divided up all choppy and weird so the rooms are actually pretty small. We fit 11 people in this room but it felt cramped. I'd like to knock a wall and a half out to open it up but I'm rather fearful of doing so. I think soon it will be time for us to hire a contractor or reliable handy-person to fix/change the things that need fixing/changing in the Burrow. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We've asked ourselves if we are being faithful in this leading and both feel clear that we are. I'd been feeling like we had strayed from the <a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-i-know-god.html" style="color: #1155cc;">Slipstream</a> that Mark & I stepped into when we began falling in love. Being with him felt surely like God had put us together for our own happiness but more to do God's work together. We've spent a lot more energy on the pleasure aspects of our relationship for a long time and I had the sense that we had drifted from God's plan for us. With our BBB&Bb, I feel we are stepping back into the Slipstream, offering ourselves for God's service.</span></span></div>
Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-91121497455916364462013-08-03T07:56:00.000-06:002016-08-19T12:39:37.841-06:00Burrow Bible Bite & Breadbreaking<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mark & I hosted our first Burrow Bible Study on Wednesday after talking about it for a long, long time.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The original idea goes back 4 or 5 years to when I was eye-balling houses in East Nashville in preparation for my new life. I had a vision of a Wednesday evening worship open to everyone. I felt called to make it inclusive and not necessarily affiliated with Nashville Friends Meeting. I imagined feeding people, music, silent worship, vocal ministry and prayer. When I would look at houses, I'd try to picture trying to hold worship in them. I felt God drawing me toward that life. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The changes I experienced over the next couple of years put a lot of things on hold. But then Mark and I stepped into this life together and he shares all my desires and feels the same call to provide hospitality and to be an active member of the Body of Christ and we fell in love and bought the Burrow and began talking about hosting a Bible study or maybe a worship group. Unfortunately, we got bogged down in the details: What night is best? Food? What kind of Bible study? How do we keep it from becoming a lecture of Bible translations and historical context? Oh geez, the house is such a wreck. What about kids? We travel so much when's a good time to start it? etcetera.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">A couple of weeks ago, I got a nudge from God about it and brought it up to Mark. We started to debate all the above details that we get so easily mired in but we sort of stopped and turned it around. Rather than coming up with problems, we stated what we could do, what felt right and clear. Start at 5:00. Provide a vegetarian meal so nobody has to cook dinner or even make a dish to share (this feels very important to me). Clean the house so it is comfortable but don't worry about perfection. Use a lectionary and the format used by Rich Square Monthly Meeting in North Carolina Yearly Meeting-Conservative so the Bible study doesn't become caught up in head-learning but can be about continuing revelation. Invite everyone regardless of religious affiliation but stress respect and listening in tongues. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Even with our forward moving ideas, we still didn't do anything to plan it. But Sunday during worship, God told me to just do it. When worship ended, I leaned over to Mark and asked how he felt about me announcing it for Wednesday: he looked surprised but said "Yes!" and so I invited everybody at worship, sent an email to the NFM list and posted about it on facebook. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We had a total of 11 people (including us + our "grandbaby" Evster). We had 2 Friend-friendly folk (a Methodist and a Pentecostal smart-ass) and 2 FUM (a different branch of Quakerism) Friends. We didn't really have any expectations for the evening although we did have a loose plan. Dinner was 5-6 and we thought Bible study would start a few minutes after 6:00. Of course it was a bit later than that but not too much. We moved from the table to the parlor where I introduced worship sharing, explained "listening in tongues" and Mark gave us the context of the <a href="http://lectionary.library.vanderbilt.edu/" style="color: #1155cc;">Lectionary</a> and provided the Bible passages. There wasn't much silence between speakers and people pretty much instantly forgot about not speaking twice until everyone had a chance to speak but you'll have that in worship sharing. I think it went really well. People seemed open about themselves and with one another, and respectful. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We don't know where this will lead or what will come of it. When we invited people this week, we hadn't yet committed to making it a weekly thing but we are feeling led to do so, for now at least. In talking further about it, we decided to devote one gathering a month to music and hymn singing so we will do that the 3rd Wednesday of August and I'm really excited about it! I don't expect we'll have more than a couple of people who come consistently and so each week will have a totally different vibe. I anticipate there will be weeks in which Mark, Finn & I are the only people here and other weeks when we'll have a full house. I trust the Lord to help us remain open and loving, no matter what unfolds week-by-week. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Other than being aware to avoid the siren call of biblical interpretation, the main problem I find is the size of our parlor. We have this huge house that is divided up all choppy and weird so the rooms are actually pretty small. We fit 11 people in this room but it felt cramped. I'd like to knock a wall and a half out to open it up but I'm rather fearful of doing so. I think soon it will be time for us to hire a contractor or reliable handy-person to fix/change the things that need fixing/changing in the Burrow. </span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">We've asked ourselves if we are being faithful in this leading and both feel clear that we are. I'd been feeling like we had strayed from the <a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-i-know-god.html" style="color: #1155cc;">Slipstream</a> that Mark & I stepped into when we began falling in love. Being with him felt surely like God had put us together for our own happiness but more to do God's work together. We've spent a lot more energy on the pleasure aspects of our relationship for a long time and I had the sense that we had drifted from God's plan for us. With our BBB&Bb, I feel we are stepping back into the Slipstream, offering ourselves for God's service.</span></span></div>
Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-88250997714291134262013-06-04T19:32:00.001-06:002017-07-01T09:45:37.094-06:00Between Us & Thee: Marital Intimacy and Divine Love<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>School
of the Spirit: On Being a Spiritual Nurturer </b>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Research
Project </b></span>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">May,
2013</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLcDS0n12NfGzNeMBfTqCmj_guamVa33-kSHBNBNM1lyGFQd8sX82AAR6rdofXQT5HIDksbg2dJe-OIaJ281ItAhUrlTYAYB8yj-GVEne1sDMmORk-VCq72LPdVQMqHxbYQUtuPQe4RdiA/s320/couple+30.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">photo by Audry Deal-McEver</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLcDS0n12NfGzNeMBfTqCmj_guamVa33-kSHBNBNM1lyGFQd8sX82AAR6rdofXQT5HIDksbg2dJe-OIaJ281ItAhUrlTYAYB8yj-GVEne1sDMmORk-VCq72LPdVQMqHxbYQUtuPQe4RdiA/s1600/couple+30.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone, I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
see me through the daytime</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
through the long lonely night</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
lead me through the darkness</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
on into the light</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
stand with me when I'm troubled</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
help me through my strife</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When
times get so uncertain to turn to You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Turn
to You in my young life</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone, I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone
to hold onto</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
keep me from all fear</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone
to be my guiding light</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
keep me ever dear</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
keep me from my selfishness</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
keep me from my sorrow</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
lead me on to givingness</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So
I can see a new tomorrow</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone, I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone
to walk with</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh
someone to hold by the hand</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone
to talk with</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone
to understand, yeah, yeah</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh,
when I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yeah,
I need You very much</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
open up my arms to You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Feel
Your tender touch</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
feel it and to keep it</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
be right here in my soul</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
care for it and keep it with me</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Never
to grow old</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Van
Morrison-<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i29urUX6WE">Lord,If I Ever Needed Someone</a><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i29urUX6WE"><span style="text-decoration: none;">
</span></a><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i29urUX6WE"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;">from
</span></span></a><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i29urUX6WE"><span style="color: black;"><i><span style="text-decoration: none;">His
Band and E Street Choir</span></i></span></a></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*
* *</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>When
I need you </b>
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Up
until I began making a compilation CD for the man I was falling in
love with who would a year later become my husband, I only understood
this song in terms of relationship with the Divine. To me, the singer
was literally beseeching God, “to be my guiding light </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">and
keep me ever dear.” The seed of my new relationship had been
planted several years before when we began talking about our
spiritual lives, first through our blogs and then in person at Quaker
youth retreats. I found Mark to be a kindred spirit: someone whose
relationship with God encouraged and edified me.</span></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When
Mark and I made the decision to begin dating, we had already spent
many hours talking about God in our lives. Music is an important part
of my spiritual practice so I wanted to share with him some of the
songs that draw me closer to God. As I added this song, the lightbulb
went off and I realized Van Morrison is singing about a
longing for God and equally for a human relationship rooted in the
spiritual but fully human and sensuous. I had dreamed of a union like
this my entire adult life and was awed and humbled by the gift God
was giving me.
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*
* *</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Vulnerability</span></b></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
believe that the main thing any of us wants in life is to be known
for who we truly are. But for others to know us, we have to open and
share our authentic selves. It would seem this is the easiest, really
the natural thing to do: Be yourself. How difficult doing so really
is. We all carry layers of conditioning that protect us from exposure
that might lead to hurt. From family-of-origin stuff to junior high
school bullying to romantic rejection to social pressure to conform.
We want to be known but there are many risks in showing our inner
selves and we all have the emotional scars to prove it. Safer to keep
our true selves hidden but if we’re given the exact right
conditions, we may let people very close to us get little glimpses.
Some of us even find it safer to only share our innermost thoughts
with strangers in random anonymous encounters than with those with
whom we are closest.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
word intimate is derived from Latin and means “most within”. It
would seem that the sexual, emotional, and daily familiarity of
marriage would facilitate sharing our most within selves but this is
often not the case. When we are married, the emotional stakes are
higher and the pain upon rejection is much greater. Sharing aspects
of our truest inner selves, whether sexual, emotional, or spiritual, with one another becomes far riskier because the consequences reflect
on not only our ideas about ourselves but also our beliefs about our
marriages. If I tell you I have this dream and you are unable to
accept it because it conflicts with your perception of who I am and
you respond negatively out of fear of change, not only do I feel
rejected but I may also squelch the dream and deny that yearning. No,
far safer to keep it to myself.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God
calls us to intimacy. If our great desire is to have our true
selves known by another human, how much more our yearning to be known
by God. In order to be known by God, though, we must open ourselves
to God. God, of course, already knows our truest selves. We try to
conceal ourselves but our Divine Parent knows us to our very soul. We
think we are hidden, but really we hide from ourselves. The painful
part of opening to God is that we first have to open ourselves to our
own observations and judgements about what we’ve pretended does not
exist. We have to examine the things we allow to come between
ourselves and God and doing so is often uncomfortable or even
painful. Easier and safer to keep busy with the television on and a
full schedule than to make the time and inner space for reflection
and inner observation. But if we are to have a mature relationship
with the Holy Spirit, a true relationship in which both parties are
present and engaged, we have to allow God within ourselves and the
only way to do that is to become vulnerable.
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
beauty of marriage is that through our relationship with our spouse,
as we are ready, we learn how to move out of fear of self-disclosure
and into trust and openness. Marriage has the potential to teach us
how to unveil ourselves and share our most inner selves with another
and in doing so, we also prepare ourselves to open to God.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For
some, this occurs naturally as a result of much spiritual and
emotional work. For others, it is a gradual process occurring in fits
and starts as individuals change and grow. Others, though, find they
have no choice but to share their authentic selves because a life in
which one must keep one's true self protected and hidden has ceased
to be meaningful (this is the root of mid-life crises, I think).
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Being
our true selves in our marriages means not hiding or running from the
parts of ourselves that make us uncomfortable. It means being willing
to explore what works and what doesn’t. All relationships are about
give and take. In marriage, this is true
24/7-for-the-rest-of-our-lives. In marriage we must find ways to meet
the needs of another person without denying our own needs, not just
the “lid up or lid down” type of questions (which are only a
problem when they are symbolic of other, larger problems) but true
needs. “When you do this, I feel this way. Would you please explore
that with me?” or, “I don’t understand what you mean when you
say that. I thought I did but I'm not sure. Could you tell me more?”
Marriage should be the place where we can talk about our fears,
problems, dreams, hopes, and fantasies. Our partner may not share
them, may not even fully understand them but, in a truly intimate
relationship, they accept us as we are without denying, censoring, or
manipulating parts that make them uncomfortable. Because of this
acceptance, we then have the freedom to explore ourselves openly,
allowing us to grow emotionally and spiritually.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sexuality,
naturally, is the most intimate aspect of an intimate relationship:
the facet most tender and risky. Couples may disagree more often
about money or chores but sexual intimacy is the place where
everything that each person brings to the relationship and everything
that is created between them is realized. Cultural and religious
conditioning, family of origin stuff, sexual history, mood, age,
health, energy level and so many other things impact what happens
between loving partners. True intimacy requires vulnerability which
requires becoming aware of and then releasing layers of habit
developed to protect our fragile egos. Trust in oneself is imperative
as is a faith that what is on the other side of self-disclosure will
be better than what happens with the masks on.
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">John
Calvi, in his article <a href="http://www.friendsjournal.org/2004058/">Quakers,
Sexuality, and Spirituality</a> in the June 2004 issue of <i><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Friends
Journal</span></i>:</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
think the most important similarity between [sexuality and
spirituality] is the concept of surrender. By this, I don’t mean
giving up. We have aspects of ourselves that long for something
larger and greater than us. If you learn how to surrender in one
realm, you can transfer that wisdom into other realms. If you know
about surrendering to true love, then there’s the possibility that
you can use that learning for surrender to deeper spiritual
experience.</span></div>
<div style="border: none; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in; padding: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If
you have done the surrender to deeper spiritual experience, you can
use that learning for surrendering to true love. The latter is never
an easy surrender because life hurts so much. Sometimes true love
comes along—if it does come along, and it sometimes seems we have
been waiting a long time, too long—but when it does come along, you
have to ask yourself: “Can I unpack the bags? Take out all my
disappointments, all my anxiety, and set them aside and really join
with this other person?”</span></div>
<div style="border: none; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in; padding: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="border: none; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in; padding: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This
is true of romantic love but it’s also true of more casual
relationships. There are lots of different kinds of surrender, lots
of ways of learning about this very important concept. When we learn
surrender in one place, we can use it to surrender in another place.</span></div>
<div style="border: none; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in; padding: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="border: none; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in; padding: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
want to conclude with a description. It is this: I take a very tender
part of myself and relax it completely. I find that I am able to
surrender to something larger than just me. There are many different
and amazing feelings and lots of sensation. It can become very
exciting and exhausting. It concludes, I experience separation, and
it’s just me again. I try to understand everything that’s
happened. Now, my query to you is: am I describing surrender to the
Holy Spirit in meeting for worship—or am I describing lovemaking?
It might be that they are remarkably similar.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Authenticity</b>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m
thinking about sex here, specifically women’s sexuality. I dig the
writer Anne Lamott. I love her honesty and the truths that she
speaks. I read a new essay, “<a href="http://www.salon.com/2013/03/31/my_year_on_match_com/">My
Year on Match.com</a>” by her on <i>Salon.com</i>
recently which was brilliant and funny but this part made me sad:</span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
am skittish about relationships, as most of the marriages I’ve seen
up close have been ruinous for one or both parties. In four-fifths of
them, the men want to have sex way more often than the women do. I
would say almost none of the women would care if they ever got laid
again, even when they are in good marriages. They do it because the
man wants to. They do it because it makes the men like them more, and
feel close for a while, but mostly women love it because they get to
check it off their to-do lists. It means they get a pass for a week
or two, or a month. It is not on the women’s bucket lists. I’m
sorry to have to tell you this.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve
heard this same sentiment echoed by many women. Sex is a chore they
must do to maintain harmony in their relationship. Sex is something
they feel they should want but just don't. “Is that all there is?”
seems to be the bewildered lament of younger women. “Been there,
done that” the weary phrase of more mature ones.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Historically
this has not been the case, as a recent article I read on
<i>Alternet.com</i>
by Alyssa Goldstein entitled “<a href="http://www.alternet.org/when-women-wanted-sex-much-more-men">When
Women Wanted Sex More</a>” illustrates:
</span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
Puritans believed that sexual desire was a normal and natural part of
human life for both men and women (as long as it was heterosexual and
confined to marriage), but that women wanted and needed sex more than
men. A man could choose to give up sex with relatively little
trouble, but for a woman to be so deprived would be much more
difficult for her.
</span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jews
believe so strongly this same thing that it is written into most
Katubah (Jewish wedding contract) that the man has three obligations
to his wife in marriage: Food, shelter, and sexual
fulfillment. Neither spouse
should deny sexual intimacy to the other but the greater emphasis is
placed on the wife’s sexual needs because they were known to be
stronger. In their book <i>Heavenly
Sex: Sexuality in the Jewish Tradition</i>,
Dr. Ruth Westheimer and Jonathan Mark write:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
Talmud does not tell a woman when she should make love. Presumably
she is always to be available, <i>as she wishes</i>, except when she
is having her period. But men are told exactly how often they should
make love, based on their professions. (italics mine)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So
how did we go from understanding that women had such the stronger sex
drive that their husbands had a religious command to make sweet love
to his wife to the modern belief that men are the more sexually
driven? How did we go from “...is is written that if a man is
unemployed and has nothing to do, he must make love to his wife at
least once a day. A laborer, presumably coming home exhausted, must
make love to his wife at least twice a week...” to, “Not tonight
dear, I have a headache”?
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
I don't mean to imply that this problem rests only with women. Every
so often a spate of articles will appear on-line citing the fact that
men, too, fake orgasm. In a recent interview promoting his book <i>Why
Men Fake It</i>, <span style="color: black;">Dr.
Abraham Morgentaler cited an on-line survey in which 31% of
presumably young men admitted to faking it. He explained, “the
reasons men fake it are actually pretty similar to the reasons that
women fake it. . . . They’re kind of letting the other person know
that they’ve done a good job.” Additionally, the statistics about
the number of people in sexless marriages are staggering.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Modern
life is stressful. Duh. I’m not implying that life was easier in
the long ago what with pestilence and plagues and all that but I
imagine that people were more connected to their bodies than we are
today. We live in our heads, through our eyes and ears for the most
part, and often ignore or are unaware of our bodies as anything more
than vehicles to transport the to-do lists that are constantly being
revised in our brains. We are disconnected from our muscles and bones
and our work does not root our bodies in the world around us. When it
is time for bed, we turn off the laptop and the TV, set the phone to
silent and snuggle up next to our mate, exhausted. We remember with
fondness the fire we felt for one another when our relationships were
new but have difficulty mustering the energy to express any but warm
affection for one another.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Women,
especially, seem more disconnected from the pleasures our bodies
hold. The things in our heads distract us from our ability to center
into our senses and the delight of our physical selves. We need more
time and energy to find the ember of our sexuality hidden under
layers of other (decidedly unsexy) identities but time and energy are
the very things most lacking. Often, for the sake of harmony,
possibly guilt, but mostly because we genuinely love our mates, we
kindle enough warmth to connect briefly with one another, expressing
our love but not connecting with our true sexual nature.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What
happens, though, when we go through the motions with one another is
that we introduce falseness into our relationship. That's not to say
that we should never go along with our beloved when he or she is in
the mood and we're not quite there: We certainly should. We do
ourselves and our marriages a terrible disservice, though, when we
deny ourselves pleasure for expedience. When we forgo pleasure
because we're tired and finding the way to connect with our sexuality
is hard to do, we're saying that our marriage, and really we
ourselves, are not worth the time and energy. When we don't share our
true feelings with our spouse but instead go through the motions to
keep the peace or, worse, avoid the potential for any sexual contact
because it is awkward or disappointing, we're introducing
inauthenticity into our marriages.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In
order to have a truly intimate marriage, we have to be able to be
honest with our partner. Disclosing these things can be risky and
frightening but we must be vulnerable about our needs when things are
not-so-good, as well as when we're feeling secure and want to expand
our sexual repertoire. We need to be able to say to one another, “You
know, I am happy to be with you tonight but I'm feeling tired and
distracted. Can you be patient and help me to catch up to where you
are?” Doing so may require some digging into ourselves to figure
out what we are feeling and what that means in practical terms.
Sharing in this way requires each partner to own responsibility for
what happens; we can't simply rely on routine to get us through. It
may feel awkward and uncomfortable to explicitly say things that are
typically not spoken between spouses but in order for authentic
intimacy to be achieved, it is imperative for us to learn to talk
about the things that have the potential to either drive us apart or
draw us closer together.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: none; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; padding: 0in;">
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From
Miguel A. De La Torre's book <i>A Lily Among the Thorns</i>:
<i>Imagining a New Christian Sexuality:</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For
some, having sex always with the same partner can become somewhat
routine, predictable, if not repetitive. After the newness of
physical passion starts to dwindle with the passage of time, we need
not simply accept that sex goes from being red-hot to ho-hum. Great
sex does not have to be perpetually linked to newer, younger, and
hotter bodies, nor must the constant pursuit of new forms of
pleasurable stimuli jade the enduring joy of sex. What makes sex
great is not the act of obtaining physical gratification with and
through another body, but the intimacy that comes with vulnerability.
It is the intimacy created by two becoming one that enhances and
heightens sexual pleasure, not the actual act of penetration. Through
the process of revealing our inner self to our beloved, not only do
we create intimacy, but we gain the power to heal our dysfunction by
calming our deepest fears and satisfying our most intense yearnings.
Even in the absence of penetration, whether due to illness, old age,
or forced separation (such as war or imprisonment), sex can still
remain great so long as it enhances intimacy.
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
wonder, too, how often we go through the motions with God. Are our
prayers cursory or rote? Is the time we spend with our spiritual
communities more social than Spirit-filled? Do we make time for
spiritual practice and if we do, are we really paying attention? Do
we share our true selves with God? How do we establish more
authenticity in our relationship with God? Are we willing to put the
time and energy into our relationship with God that we do in our
marriage?
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Covenant
Marriage</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's
a lot of talk in mainstream evangelical Christianity about “Covenant
Marriage” which is defined as a legally binding marriage
commitment. Louisiana was the first state to approve Covenant
Marriage as a state-sanctioned legal o<span style="color: black;">ption.
This definition is from the </span><a href="http://new.dhh.louisiana.gov/index.cfm/page/695">Louisiana
Department of Health and Human Services</a><span style="color: black;">
website: </span>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
couple who chooses to enter into a covenant marriage agrees to be
bound by two significant provisions on obtaining a divorce or
separation. These stipulations do not apply to other couples married
in Louisiana:</span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 0.18in; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
couple legally agrees to seek marital counseling if problems develop
during the marriage; and</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 0.18in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
couple can seek a divorce or legal separation for limited reasons
only, as explained herein.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">In
order to enter into a covenant marriage, the couple must sign
a </span><strong><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Declaration
of Intent</span></span></strong><span style="color: black;"> that
provides:</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li><div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 0.18in; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A
marriage agreement to live together as husband and wife forever;</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 0.18in; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
parties have chosen each other carefully and disclosed to each other
"everything which could adversely affect" the decision to
marry;</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 0.18in; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
parties have received premarital counseling;</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 0.18in; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A
commitment that if the parties experience marital difficulties they
agree to make all reasonable efforts to preserve their marriage,
including marital counseling; and</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 0.18in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
couple also must obtain premarital counseling from a priest,
minister, rabbi or similar clergyman of any religious sect, or from
a professional marriage counselor.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">There
are obviously many problems with creating a new legal category for
marriage but I will only address one here: That of making something
that should be divinely inspired between two people externally
proscribed through social pressure. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Quaker
theologian and recorded minister Lloyd Lee Wilson defines a covenant
relationship this way: “A relationship initiated by God, to which
we as human beings respond in faith.” In his book <i>Essays on the
Quaker Vision of Gospel Order</i>, he writes about covenant
communities but his ideas also apply to relationships between
individuals. </span>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Friends
understanding of the monthly meeting as covenant community is that in
the Gospel Order, God is calling individuals to live in covenant with
Him and through that covenant in community with one another. The
covenant itself is stated by the writer of Hebrews as “in their
minds I will plant my Laws, writing them on their hearts, and I shall
never more call their sins to mind, or their offenses.” Most
importantly, Christ is the mediator of the new covenant, as he is the
only true mediator between God and human beings. Because of the
covenant relationship we have with God through Christ we are enabled
and equipped to live together as human beings in a way that witnesses
to his relationship with us and serves as an outpost of the Kingdom
of God on earth. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In
other communities of which we are a part, we choose to be in a
relationship with the members of the community . . . In the covenant
community [marriage], we choose to be in relationship with God, and
God gives us to one another and to the community. Our primary bond is
to God, which makes the community [marriage] itself resilient and
capable of great healing. The crisis and interpersonal failures which
could destroy a human community [marriage] become, in the covenant
community [marriage], opportunities for the love of God to heal and
reconcile us to one another, and for the community [marriage] to
witness about God's healing and presence to the world.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDpgikLEE-bdl0ObiKOES3y2qqU981aNpbls1Aiw29L1ylF12XNPmxS1_Jk7cNrq2vj8Rk2nfIhWf0DsFKos9hIKKWMu-uHLs5KekDt_MfwkQa6CV0aLR07QQxYdXaSX6jgfR9nMNCpMiM/s1600/Introduction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img alt="" border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDpgikLEE-bdl0ObiKOES3y2qqU981aNpbls1Aiw29L1ylF12XNPmxS1_Jk7cNrq2vj8Rk2nfIhWf0DsFKos9hIKKWMu-uHLs5KekDt_MfwkQa6CV0aLR07QQxYdXaSX6jgfR9nMNCpMiM/s320/Introduction.jpg" title="photo by Audry Deal-McEver" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">photo by Audry Deal-McEver</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In
a true covenant marriage, the first relationship is with God who then
provides or strengthens our relationship with our beloved spouse so
that our marriage is a reflection of our love for God and God's love
for us. In the legally defined idea of covenant marriage, the first
relationship is with a community which dictates the beliefs and goals
a couple should aspire to in relation to God. This is a thwarting of
how God calls us to union.
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God
seeks us and invites us into relationship (knocks at the doors of our
hearts, if you will). We slowly learn to hear and respond. As the
relationship develops, we become more responsible for maintaining it.
We must make time to spend in prayer, communion, listening and
waiting. We grow in faith and learn to submit ourselves, seeking
God's will for us. This submission is vulnerability; we are learning
to open ourselves to Christ. When we are living in harmony with God's
will, the facets of our lives fall into place so that we want to live
for God and the things we had previously allowed to come between us
and God become less important.
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When
marriage partners have prepared themselves, when they live in God's
will as individuals and as a couple, God blesses them with a
deepening of their relationship. What better gift than to share a
love encouraged by God?
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jewish
tradition considers marriage to be the foundational spiritual
relationship upon which all of <span style="color: black;">society
is built. </span><span style="color: black;">From
the page </span><a href="http://jewishwebsight.com/lifecycle/marriage.html">Marriage</a><span style="color: black;">
on the website </span><span style="color: black;"><i>Jewish
Life Cycle</i></span><span style="color: black;">:</span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
degree of holiness that Judaism ascribes to marriage is attested by
the tradition that God can be present in the marriage partnership.
"When husband and wife are worthy, the Divine Presence abides
with them." The idea that the bond of marriage is sacred and
eternal, a reflection of the berit [covenant] between God and the
people Israel, goes back to the Bible, particularly to the prophecies
of Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and Hosea. . . . Consequently of all the joyous
occasions of Judaism, the heartiest Mazal Tov is reserved for the
wedding.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
the Jewish imagination, the wedding is a prototypical act of
creation. The Zohar, the great book of Jewish mysticism, states, "God
creates new worlds constantly. In what way? By causing marriages to
take place." The wedding is the premiere life-cycle event.
Although the core of the ritual is simplicity itself, the customs,
symbols and rituals associated with Jewish weddings spill over into
more than a year's worth of celebration and joy. . . . Reb Nachman of
Bratslav, a 17th century Hasidic master, is credited with a wonderful
story on this subject:</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-left: 1in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A
group of people who have been to a wedding are walking home when one
says, "That was a beautiful wedding. The food was out of this
world." One of her companions says, "It was a great
wedding. The band was terrific." A third friend chimes in, "I
never had more fun at a wedding. I got to talk to people I hadn't
seen in years." But Reb Nachman, who overhears this
conversation, says, "Those people weren't really at a wedding."
Then a fourth person joins the group and says, "Isn't it
wonderful that those two people found each other!" At that Reb
Nachman says, "Now that person was at a wedding!"</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Marriage
is symbolically sacred, bringing two people together and making them
one. When both partners also have an abiding relationship with God,
their marriage becomes something even greater than the union of two
individuals: With God, a marriage can become a shelter and a blessing
for all those whose lives are touched by the couple.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*
* *</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Clover</span></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqY0jbsTGV5v-ykeuKzfjRDxkjpTtNNYKpOi57SPiA46W4USND4Oyx5ptnypTfqHt35xpE7dZeA1ecGZLozT6JYU9iu7QW8g0o27HkGMMgqW6t0qPcOSXBMBrIHlLLyojJ5hm9sI5anji/s1600/labyrinth+at+S-B.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtqY0jbsTGV5v-ykeuKzfjRDxkjpTtNNYKpOi57SPiA46W4USND4Oyx5ptnypTfqHt35xpE7dZeA1ecGZLozT6JYU9iu7QW8g0o27HkGMMgqW6t0qPcOSXBMBrIHlLLyojJ5hm9sI5anji/s200/labyrinth+at+S-B.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mark
and I began dating short months after we each experienced cataclysmic
changes in our lives. We both lost 20 year marriages: Him through the
death of his first wife and me through divorce. Being with him felt
holy, erotic, and comfortable in equal measures. From the first
moment we talked together as unmarried people, it was as if God had
brought us together. We prayed often, trying to remain open to any
hints from God that the delight we found in the other was getting in
the way of God’s will for us. One day I walked an outdoor labyrinth
in deep prayer, asking God to guide us so we did not put our growing
love for one another and the pleasure we found together ahead of our
faithfulness. As I looked down, I noticed a clover and was given the
insight that our union is not between the two of us but is, like the
clover, in three equal parts: Mark, me, and the Holy Spirit.</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*
* *</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Union</span></b></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
couple, too, are blessed by the openness and sanctity of living
together for God. Intimacy, especially sexual intimacy, is a gift
given to us by our Maker. God wants us to be drawn together, to take
pleasure in loving one another. On the <i>Kosher
Sex</i>
website, the <span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">article
<a href="http://koshersex.com/holiness.html">The Idea of Holiness
</a></span>says
this:</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="JUSTIFY" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Jewish
tradition contains the powerful statement, "In the world to
come, a man will have to account for every legitimate pleasure which
he has denied himself." Sex is viewed as a vital part of God's
creation; it is good, and meant to be enjoyed. However, while modern
secular culture emphasizes a hedonistic approach to sex, pleasure in
Judaism is intimately tied to the commandment "mitzva"--to
a higher purpose. The Torah views certain sexual encounters as
detracting from holiness and others as enhancing sexual relations.
Only humans can elevate the sexual act above the biological level,
thereby bringing to it a spiritual quality. </span>
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8359713537087862054" name="docs-internal-guid-45e8d8d5-a91b-e904-92bf-ff3b9f81745b"></a>
<br />From
the article <a href="http://www.yoatzot.org/article.php?id=143">Marital
Intimacy</a> by
<span style="color: black;">Rabbi
Avraham Peretz Friedman on </span>the
website <i>Nishmat:
Women's Health & Halachel</i>:</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8359713537087862054" name="docs-internal-guid-45e8d8d5-a919-7539-81a8-ca9c0437bb93"></a>
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="color: black;">The
Torah does </span><span style="color: black;"><b>not</b></span><span style="color: black;">
</span><span style="color: black;">subscribe
to the notion of an irreconcilable struggle between the physical and
the spiritual, and is, in fact, unequivocal in its rejection of this
philosophy. On the contrary, the Torah maintains that, if used
properly, the physical becomes an indispensable aid in achieving
spiritual greatness. This is accomplished in two ways: </span></span></span><span style="line-height: 114%;">First,
physical activity is much more effective at impressing an idea into
the soul than intellectual contemplation alone could be. Almost every
mitzvah [commandment] involves using some element of the physical
world to serve God. Our job is to take the gifts of this world and
elevate them to the heights of holiness. The Shabbat, for example, is
sanctified over a cup of wine - words alone will not suffice.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Second,
the Torah views the enjoyment of physical pleasure as desirable,
since each pleasure provides an opportunity to feel and express
gratitude to the One who created and provided this enjoyment.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
Torah's view of pleasure differs dramatically from that prevalent in
Western society. Western society prizes pleasure and directs much of
its energy, imagination, and resources to its pursuit. Obligations
and responsibilities are viewed as the price one must sometimes pay
for pleasure.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
Torah also values pleasure – but with a significant difference.
Duties and responsibilities are not the inevitable "cost"
of pleasure. Rather, pleasure is a welcome by-product that
accompanies the proper fulfillment of many of our God-given
obligations. In such instances, pleasure introduces a duty (in fact,
an opportunity) to feel and express gratitude to the Giver of all
pleasures. But pleasure is not primary – our responsibilities to
God are.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">The
Torah's view of sexuality is a perfect illustration of the general
Torah attitude toward the physical world and its pleasures. Physical
relations between a husband and wife are meant to be pleasurable.
Having marital relations is a fulfillment of two separate mitzvot
–</span><a href="http://www.yoatzot.org/article.php?id=27"><span style="color: black;"><span style="text-decoration: none;"><i>pru
ur'vu</i></span></span></a><span style="color: black;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">
</span></span><span style="color: black;">(procreation)
and </span><span style="color: black;"><i>onah
</i></span><span style="color: black;">(marital
intimacy itself).</span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><i>Pru
ur'vu</i></span><span style="color: black;">
</span><span style="color: black;">and
</span><span style="color: black;"><i>Onah</i></span><span style="color: black;">
</span><span style="color: black;">are
the paradigm mitzvot because they reflect the uniquely Jewish
approach to sanctifying the physical world through mitzvah
observance. These mitzvot are the most dramatic examples of the
phenomenon of elevating the physical world to the heights of the
spiritual in that the element of the physical world which these
mitzvot allow is the one most susceptible to abuse and lack of
sanctity.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8359713537087862054" name="docs-internal-guid-45e8d8d5-a91e-5d5a-29fd-4ffb5139e922"></a>
<br /><span style="color: black;">The
term for this most intimate relationship between a couple is "</span><span style="color: black;"><i>devek</i></span><span style="color: black;">"
(lit., union, attachment). The Torah commands: "Therefore, a man
shall leave his father and mother and cling ("</span><span style="color: black;"><i>davak</i></span><span style="color: black;">")
to his wife" (Bereshit 2:24). Rashi [Rabbi Shlomo Yitzhaki]
states that pleasure produces </span><span style="color: black;"><i>devek</i></span><span style="color: black;">
</span><span style="color: black;">(Sanhedrin
58a,b). In the Torah view, the pleasure of marital intimacy serves
the positive function of maximizing the attachment between husband
and wife.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">The
Ramban's [</span><span style="color: black;">Rabbi
Moshe ben Nahman] </span><span style="color: black;">commentary
on davak (Bereshit 2:24) emphasizes that marriage will cause an
emotional, not just physical, union between husband and wife. The
desire to enhance emotional closeness accounts for the halacha's
[body of Jewish religious law] disapproval of certain behaviors such
as thinking about another when having relations with one's spouse,
having relations when one is drunk, or having relations without
mutual consent. In these situations, physical pleasure has been
divested of the emotional component which would produce devek. That
is exactly what the Torah does not want.</span></span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On
the other hand, sexual sanctity, transforming the experience from a
physical act of sexual self-gratification to a spiritual act of
selfless concern and consideration, is best obtained through
maximizing the pleasure of one's spouse during intimacy.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Gershon
Winkler in <i>Sacred
Secrets: </i><i>The
Sanctity of Sex in Jewish Law and Lore </i>says
this:</span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Judaism
considers sexual desire and intercourse as very essential to the
process of spiritual unfolding and evolving.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 114%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="color: black;">Both
ancient and medieval kabbalistic teachings reflect this paradoxical
relationship between sex and spirituality, that the very selfsame
urge that distracts you from matters of the spirit is the very
selfsame urge that you need to pay attention to in order to </span><span style="color: black;"><i>engage</i></span><span style="color: black;"><b>
</b></span><span style="color: black;">matters
of the spirit. Basically, it boils down to this: Whether sex brings
you closer to your spirituality or diverts your attention from your
spirituality depends on what kind of consciousness and intention you
choose to invoke in the course of lusting and lovemaking. The great
masters were not removed from their sexuality because of their
saintliness. On the contrary, the more spiritually evolved you are,
the rabbis taught, the more sexually evolved you are. </span></span>
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Intention</b>
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mark
and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary and the second
anniversary of our first date last weekend. We joke that we started
on our honeymoon two years ago and we don't see any signs that it
will end anytime soon. As joyfully in love as we still feel, we
sometimes struggle with communication, not so much between us as
within our individual selves. There are times when figuring out
what's going on inside takes some exploration to uncover. Finding the
words to share insights can be equally challenging and often requires
a great deal of vulnerability and trust. Each time we work through a
personal insight that has impact on our relationship, we are drawn
closer together.</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
pleasures and opportunities for inner growth that happen between us,
however, often eclipse our intention to live our lives centered in
Christ. Rather than turning to God in prayer, we talk with one
another.
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The
passage from the Rabbi <span style="color: black;">Avraham
Peretz Friedman </span>article
on Marital Intimacy quoted above speaks to my condition: “...<span style="color: black;">pleasure
is a welcome by-product that accompanies the proper fulfillment of
many of our God-given obligations. In such instances, pleasure
introduces a duty (in fact, an opportunity) to feel and express
gratitude to the Giver of all pleasures. But pleasure is not primary
– our responsibilities to God are.” When Mark and I were first
together, this was exactly how it felt to me; we had both been
faithful to God and we were given this amazing gift as a blessing for
our faithfulness. The gift, however, rather than increasing awareness
of our responsibility to God, has drawn us away. 1 Corinthians 7
verses 32-35 (NRSV) says: </span>
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8359713537087862054" name="en-NRSV-28504"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8359713537087862054" name="en-NRSV-28505"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8359713537087862054" name="en-NRSV-28506"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8359713537087862054" name="en-NRSV-28507"></a>
<span style="color: black;">I
want you to be free from anxieties [carefulness/</span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">complications/</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">concerns in various translations]. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please
the Lord; but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the
world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the
unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the
Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married
woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her
husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to put any restraint
upon you, but to promote good order and unhindered devotion to the
Lord.</span></span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><span style="color: black;">Given
that Paul said this, I get the feeling that God is understanding of
this distraction. Nevertheless, our first duty is to our Creator. As
Winkler said in the above quote, “ </span><span style="color: black;">Whether
sex b</span><span style="color: black;">rings
you closer to your spirituality or diverts your attention from your
spirituality depends on what kind of consciousness and intention you
choose to invoke . . . “. </span></span>
</span></div>
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</span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Peter
Blood, in the article </span></span><a href="http://www.quakersong.org/sexuality_position_paper/">In
the Presence of God and These Our Friends: Embodiment, Sex & Our
Life in God</a><span style="color: black;">
on the website, </span><span style="color: black;"><i>Quakersong.org</i></span><span style="color: black;">
says: </span></span>
</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Is
there a conflict between giving my whole heart to God and giving my
whole heart to my human partner? Jesus says that the two great
commandments are to love God with all your heart and all your soul
and to love your neighbor as yourself. This certainly implies that
these two commandments are not in competition. In loving my partner I
give bodily expression to my love for the infinite Spirit. My
faithfulness to God will continually guide m[e] in new ways to love
my partner without limits. I suspect if I experience a conflict
between love of God and love of my partner, then I have not gone deep
enough in discovering how to love in either or both of these core
relationships in my life.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />This leads me back to where I started with this prayer:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone, I need You</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lord
if I ever needed someone I need You</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone
to hold onto</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
keep me from all fear</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Someone
to be my guiding light</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And
keep me ever dear</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
keep me from my selfishness</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
keep me from my sorrow</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; page-break-after: auto; page-break-before: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To
lead me on to givingness</span></div>
<div align="CENTER" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So
I can see a new tomorrow</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
pray, Mark and I pray, that God will use us as a guiding light for
one another. We pray to be kept dear and to be kept from our
selfishness. With God's help we will be led to givingness so we can,
with our covenant community, create in this world a new tomorrow.</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0brdN-8lS4LT50OawKO6Q9zEu0TUtEO0RW-Ou0HIXu1x6r5uexl3k0mm5UG-ZeSnzgHJpZUQTtd46te2BLxzXtypzismoC4A7gpWdt4KGLFMrRQjdWInWoTYsPFSNgcu62fgzTmBz99WC/s1600/honeymoon+eclipse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0brdN-8lS4LT50OawKO6Q9zEu0TUtEO0RW-Ou0HIXu1x6r5uexl3k0mm5UG-ZeSnzgHJpZUQTtd46te2BLxzXtypzismoC4A7gpWdt4KGLFMrRQjdWInWoTYsPFSNgcu62fgzTmBz99WC/s200/honeymoon+eclipse.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">photo by Mary Linda McKinney</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-48909729113834772502013-01-30T22:08:00.000-06:002017-07-01T09:48:33.951-06:00School of the Spirit Self-Examen #3<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">About a month before each School of the Spirit residency, we're sent a Self-Examen. This is a number of queries that we are to use to gain self-insight about where we are in our spiritual journeys in relation to this program. I have felt quite distant from my assigned work in the program so put off doing my examen until almost the very last minute. When I did finally sit down to work on it, the words flowed out of me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">SELF-EXAMEN</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Describe
[or remember] a touchstone experience with the More, the Holy, God,
the promptings of Love and Truth, which relates to the hunger in you
that has led you to participate in this program.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Mark &
I, as members of Nashville Friends Meeting Ministry & Counsel,
have been leading a regular Worship Sharing with the intent to create
and develop spiritual intimacy among members and attenders. We are
inviting newcomers and oldster to come together to share our
experiences of God so we can know and encourage one another in our
daily spiritual lives. Our query this past Sunday was “What is your
experience of the Divine?”. I was given the image of a mother
sitting on a park bench, patiently and lovingly watching over her
young child on the playground. The child is playing happily, running,
climbing, using her imagination. Every once in a while the child
feels the need to be reassured of the mother's presence so she runs
over for a quick hug but then returns to her spirited play. I am that
child and God is my loving, attentive mother. </span>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
could describe specific moments, luminous times of an immediate
awareness of God. I find, however, that they lose impact upon the
retelling. What I will say is that I feel the Holy Spirit with me,
always. Oblivious as I am, whenever I pause and become aware, I feel
the Holy Presence. Someone who doesn't share this blessed awareness
may ask the legitimate questions: “But how? What does that mean?”
For me, God is a knowing in my deepest self. I feel the Loving
Presence in my entire being. God said, “I am”. I reply, “I
know”.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I feel
God's guidance in the same way. When I am being called or guided to
something, I am given a knowing in my being. When I feel a curiosity
or a push without the secure knowing, I pray and explore, ask, listen
and wait. When I am being directed by the Inward Light, I simply
know. Sometimes the direction is to act and sometimes it is to wait. </span>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am
not, by any stretch, always faithful or obedient. And even when I am
faithful, the purpose is sometimes not clear to me. I have always,
though, found God to be faithful to me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Describe
your intent, commitment, desire, dream related to your spiritual life
as you participate in this program?</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
think I had a clue what I wanted out of this program when I began but
I have totally lost it. I guess at this point I hope to learn the
reason I'm here. I feel disconnected and unattached, mostly because I
often don't know how to follow. Hmm, yes. That's been a theme in my
recent life: Submission. Am I to learn to submit? I thought that was
the case when I applied. I thought I was to learn to actually follow
the guidelines for readings and such. What I've found, though, is
that God is encouraging me to dig deep in my studies for my research
paper to the exclusion of the assigned readings. This feels right to
me so I'm not sure what to make of it when it comes to the idea of
submission. By following my own path, I feel disconnected from the
purpose of this program but I also feel I am where I'm supposed to be
and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Go figure. Is submission the
same as obedience? Seems like it but perhaps there are subtle
differences that would be worth exploring.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>What
spiritual practices, spiritual disciplines, ways of being, time of
retirement, quiet time help you live into the intent described above?
How have they been part of your daily life? What has helped you
choose this kind of contemplative rhythm?</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In
“Sense of Wonder”, Van Morrison sings, “Didn't I come to bring
you a sense of wonder? ” That's been my mantra of late. Wonder.
Wonder is grace. Wonder can't help but foster gratitude. Wonder is
the antidote to cynicism. Wonder is prayer without words. In the
words of Louis Armstrong, “And I say to myself, What a wonder-full
world.”</span></div>
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<i style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Reflect
on how the assigned readings, or additional readings, have worked in
you.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was
steeped in the Mystics before the last retreat. This time I'm deep in
Jewish writings about sexuality. The Christian perspective about
sexuality is either totally metaphorical or it's anti-sex or at least
rigidly proscriptive about the purpose of sex (:procreation only.
Minimize pleasure whenever possible. Song of Songs was an anomaly we
don't talk about). (I did find one really good exception by a
Liberation Theologian-hurrah!) Jewish writing, though, totally rocks
(and rolls--har-har)! I'm finding a millennia's worth of writing
about the sacredness of our sexuality given by God as another aspect
by which we know God (no coincidence there, the use of the word
“know”). I am finding so much as I learn about Torah and the
various interpretations of Old Testament texts.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As for
the assigned readings...uh, I got nothing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>What
is happening for you through your Care Committee?</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I feel
love and nurturing from them. One member is particularly astute and
has been able to lovingly but firmly call me out when I seem to be
straying from my declared intentions. </span>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>How
are you in relation to your meeting?</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">I've
been fully engaged in almost all aspects of the life of my meeting.
I've had the opportunity to clerk two support committees, one which
has provided very tangible support for an elderly member of our
community who has suffered from a serious health crisis. I am active
in Ministry & Counsel and deeply appreciate being able to serve
my beloved community in this way. I've begun caring for the new
infant of dear Friends and so feel even further the day-to-day
connection of my spiritual community, which is absolutely wonderful. </span>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I
continue to be active with our young Friends through FAPping at
Southern Appalachian Young Friends retreats and delight in the
relationships with all the people I know through SAYF-adults and
teens alike (Toby was at the last retreat, which was awesome!). I am
so appreciative of the opportunity to grow through relationships with
young Friends. I am grateful to be called in this way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Reflect
on recent times or ways you have experienced God’s presence and
action in your life, promptings of Love and Truth, yourself being
stretched and taught, luminous moments, times of joy or awe, feelings
of oneness, synchronicities.</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Caring
for two members of my beloved community, one who is new to this world
and the other who is in a very vulnerable place of fragility and
weakness has given me the opportunity to love selflessly. Come to
think of it, much of the work I've been given to do lately has felt
like a sacred gift of humble service. I feel immediately and
intimately what it means to be the Body of Christ. </span>
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of
my sons is having a tumultuous adolescence. Turning my fears,
worries, and heartache to God is sometimes all I am able to do. We
are held and supported by our spiritual community who know and love
him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">The
topic for my research paper is how marriage is a sacrament that
reflects and informs our relationship with God as it is impacted and
informed by it. My marriage with Mark feels like a miracle to me. I
feel tremendous joy on a daily basis and awe that God felt me worthy
of this amazing gift. I am also aware of the weight of our
responsibility to make the blessing of our marriage a foundational
element of our community: to take the love and security we have
created together and share it with others. </span>
</span></div>
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Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-90514990577774896192012-10-11T11:21:00.000-06:002012-10-11T11:28:19.084-06:00The Slipstream: Expanding Our Family<br />
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<span id="internal-source-marker_0.4032991025596857"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Years ago, before I started my own family, I foster parented one child, Jamie (some names are changed to protect privacy). He lived with my then husband and me from 2-3 years of age. During that time, I got to know his mother well. Sandra was young and didn't have good family support but complied with everything she was told to do in order to get him back so when he was returned to her, I felt positive about it. Sandra graciously let Jamie remain in our lives and he would visit and occasionally spend weekends with us and was a part of our family for the next few years. When Jamie was 8, Sandra and her partner and their children (they had 3 by this time), moved and I lost contact with them. I consider Jamie my first child and have missed watching him grow up.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />My friends Jess and Christina had their baby last Wednesday. I was supposed to have been with them for the birth but my workload had just doubled and I wasn’t able to take off. I went to the hospital to meet baby Evie Wednesday morning and held her for a good while. <br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />On the elevator as I was leaving the hospital, the woman next to me asked me my name and it turned out to be Jamie's mom, Sandra! She was as glad to see me as I was to see her and we had a short catch-up visit in the lobby. Jamie is now 25. Sandra and I exchanged phone numbers and facebook names.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />Friday morning, Sandra called me asking if I still do foster parenting. She said that her younger son Philip’s girlfriend’s baby had just been taken to the hospital and was being placed in foster care. The baby was due in September but was born in July. The baby, Mitchell, has some health problems related to being born early and additional ones. Sandra asked me if I can take the baby so he doesn't have to go into foster care with strangers.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />I don't believe it was coincidence that I bumped into Sandra last week.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />I’m not sure if I’ve written about this here but for the past year, I've been working on a sociology project interviewing young adults who have aged out of foster care. I feel a tug toward foster parenting but couldn't consider taking in teens until Finn is older.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />Mark and I are 47. I have 3 children and he has 3 granddaughters from his marriage with Ceal but no biological children. We would like a baby together but the odds of conceiving at this advanced age are very slim. We have a lot of love to share.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" />I’ve written before about the slipstream. My belief is that when we are living according to God's will for us, God puts us in the places we need to be, to learn the things we need to learn, to do the things we need to do in order to serve God. I've had the blessed experience of being in the slipstream. Previously, it has always been positive and uplifting and felt good. What is happening right now feels like the slipstream, as well. It had never occurred to me that the slipstream could be terrifying but that's how it feels: Like God is saying that I need to put on my big girl panties and follow where I'm being guided.<br class="kix-line-break" /><br class="kix-line-break" />Mark is with me. He is feeling the hand of God in this and is fully supportive. We have had loving affirmation from many people and a Clearness Committee with dear Friends who discerned with us that we are being faithful. </span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We have an awesome support network around us. My mother lives about 30 minutes away and loves caring for babies. She, as I knew she would, said she will be available to help in whatever way we would need (including caring for the baby when I go out of town for School of the Spirit residencies). The generous, loving members of our community are providing supplies and offers of baby rocking. We have good financial resources. We have a strong, albeit new, marriage.<br class="kix-line-break" /><hr />
</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thinking the baby would be released from the hospital today and that last night would be our last baby-free night for a while, we had a date with one another. We went out for cheese and then came home and watched the Israeli film “Ushpizin”. Ushpizin is from the Aramaic and means “Sukkot guests”. The film is about an Orthodox Jewish couple who maintain their faith in God during hard times and whose faith is rewarded with a bounty just in time for Sukkot. They give thanks to God for God’s goodness and pray for greater faithfulness which is then tested by the Sukkot guests that visit. </span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I enjoyed this movie very much the first time I watched it but it really speaks to my condition right now. Mark and I have been given so much together and it is our blessing and our duty to share this with others. I am grateful to God for providing us with this new opportunity to expand our world.</span></span><hr />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I hadn’t heard anything from Department of Children’s Services since Tuesday and this morning I learned from Sandra that Mitchell was released from the hospital yesterday. I spoke with the caseworker just now who said they are in the process of determining the best placement for Mitchell and have placed him in an already approved home. They will let us know if we need to do anything to facilitate our approval. It may wind up that we are not to have this child after all. I ask for prayers for Mitchell and his mother, Leah, and the people in their lives, especially including his caseworkers. Whether we can provide the best home for Mitchell or not, my love and prayers are with him.</span></span><br /><b><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br /><b><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></span></div>
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Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-84123097663748554382012-09-23T19:33:00.000-06:002012-09-23T19:45:43.049-06:00State of My Heart report #1<br />
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<span id="internal-source-marker_0.8044330144766718"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I think of my first School of the Spirit residency, the words that come to mind are: enveloped, encouraged, exhorted and edified. I was awed and delighted that 22 such different people could come together with intentionality and almost instantly create a community centered in God. It felt to me that we all came prepared; as if we had each done all the work we needed to do in order to be present and open to Divine guidance. This hit home on the third day when we were returning from a break </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">and everybody was in their seat exactly on time</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">! I have never experienced everyone in a group of Quakers on time for anything so the fact that we were all ready and engaged on time for each activity, from morning worship to closing, was absolutely amazing to me.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eric E was our Person of Presence. The role of PoP is similar to that of Traveling Companion or Elder. He held us all, as individuals and as a community, in prayer. He engaged with us during some activities but remained attuned to the spiritual pulse of the group and the needs of the teachers and participants. He fluidly moved from the role of gopher to guide to guy friday. He was a sweet, tender and funny presence. Before leaving on Monday, he shared a group Examen that turned into a beautiful and spiritually enriching sermon asking, “Where are you? Where am I? Where are we?” with loving encouragement for us to go deep in search of an answer. Our class is in agreement he set the bar high for future PoPs.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our teachers, Patty, Beckey and Mike, bring very different but complimentary gifts to our class. Beckey is new to the program but, as a member of an early SotS class, was completely at home in her new role. They took turns leading us in exercises. In each of their presentations, they revealed themselves to us with honesty so I never felt we were doing “head” work, rather, that our hearts were being clearly spoken to.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We had the blessing of the time of 2 visiting teachers. On Friday, we visited Plymouth Meeting and listened to Dave M share his experiences of being in Beloved Community. His talk was heart-felt and deeply moving. Sitting in the 300 year old meetinghouse, listening to him talk about growing in Christ by growing in his relationship with the Body of Christ was a beautiful gift to us.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Barbarajene W visited us on Saturday and talked about time. She prefaced her talk with “I’m not going to say anything you don’t already know...” and this was true. Hearing, though, a reminder that we make time for what is important to us is always beneficial. We were reminded of being aware of things in God’s time versus how we usually do in human time. I have the Victoria Williams song “On Time” in my head when I think of this:</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On time,</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On time,</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Always on time.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why you might be going crazy,</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">About to lose your mind.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don’t fret.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Don’t worry.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Just feel peace of mind.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That peace of mind that you’re always on time.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This song is about realizing that we’re all living in God’s time, if we can only awaken to it. I sing it often.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On Saturday, Beckey preached about the Inward Christ and the Seed and Joann, a classmate, read from Lloyd Lee’s book on Gospel Order. A lot of people had never heard this and were angry, hurt and confused. I have no trouble understanding this; intellectually, I’m good with it.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After our closing that evening, another classmate, Franchot, gave an impromptu Native American flute concert in the chapel. While listening, it came to me that I have been just skimming the surface. I do experience God but mostly I’m just flitting about, heedless. I think for the first time, I truly understood being a sinner. While sitting alone among my newly intimate community, listening to the hauntingly beautiful music, I felt God’s presence as I have read described by others, like a searchlight, illuminating my deepest self. I was overcome by feelings of awe and trepidation and yet willingly exposed and vulnerable. I felt God with me, not as a gentle Presence but as GOD showing me my innermost heart.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I sat in the chapel, crying, needing God but not even knowing what to pray for. I’ve read the accounts of being searched by the Inbreaking Light, being transformed by God. It seems audacious to even pray for that because what if I can’t live up to it? What if God gives me this gift and I remain my own, blithe, willful self?</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I wondered if I should reach out to my classmates or one of my teachers but I didn’t know what I could or should say. I stumbled up to my room where I prayed, sobbing, and wrote for several hours. I was shown my sins. I’d known them all along but was shown them as God sees them. Not in words but in knowing, God told me to stop making excuses; stop being lazy and selfish; stop asking for guidance until I am ready to grow into what I have already been given. Knowing my sins and not faithfully, consciously trying to “sin no more” is without excuse.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The next morning during our time for individual spiritual practice, I wrote my psalm. Coincidentally, that morning’s worship was on “Praying the Psalms”. I found that Psalm 139 spoke clearly to my condition (first time a Psalm has ever really done anything for me). We were given the chance to share and I read my prayer. Reading the words aloud before my Beloved Community felt to me to be a more true commitment than just writing it.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Back home again I am trying to live what I have been shown. How to be faithful? How to not fall back into what is routine and easy? I feel as if everything should be different. Everything is the same and the only thing different is my awareness. In this moment, I completely relate to Mark’s move to plain dress as an external sign of his intention to live for God. If I had an external sign, would I be called back to an awareness of how I reflect God? I can’t imagine what I wear would influence the amount of time I spend laughing at kittens on the internet. The change has to be in my embracing a new awareness of who I am in God.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mark and I have begun to worship and read the Bible together first thing in the morning. This helps set me on a good course for the day. We’ve begun doing an Examen each evening which gives me the opportunity to reflect on where I felt God’s presence at the end of the day. I’ve tried to be very deliberate about my internet use during the day. I frequently turn to spiritually meaningful music; the song that’s come to me most often lately is “Dear Friends”. I’m listening to Kindling Stone’s “I Am the True Vine” right now. The Chihuahua often interrupts my concentration when I pray for others and I just discovered a really nice way to deal with this: I learned to write with a calligraphy pen for our wedding and, for the first time in my life, my handwriting looks pretty good. Calligraphy has to be done slowly and carefully so I think of each of the people I want to pray for and write their name several times which allows me time to really focus while praying for them.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I feel a great deal of fear that I will not be able to sustain this commitment; that I will fail in my faithfulness. I know Grace is being able to return as many times as necessary but what God showed me and called me to is not just about being forgetful but about LIVING. How do I live up to this? All I know to do is to ask God to show me how and to turn to my Beloved Community (extended) to encourage and exhort me.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank you, Friends.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">with love,</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mary Linda</span><b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Courier New'; font-size: 19px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b></span></div>
<br />Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-66217346136919861372012-09-18T05:59:00.003-06:002017-07-01T09:50:47.572-06:00My Psalmish Prayer<br />
<b id="internal-source-marker_0.8818600338418037" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Divine Creator, Author of my soul,</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please help me to live in you. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please help me to submit myself to you.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Help me to have the will to live for you and you through me.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please help me to turn from sin, that which comes between me and you, but help me to find joy and satisfaction in living for you.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please help me to make you the anchor of my heart and of all my relationships so that all aspects of my life bear the same witness.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Help me to turn from the frivolous distractions and constant seeking of amusement and entertainment so I have space and time and quiet to find the peace of you in every moment.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Am I not good as you made me? Help me to set aside my insecurities as being unnecessary of your beloved child. Show me how to live more fully in you so I may better reflect your greatness and love for us.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please help me, God Who is the Foundation, to turn with Mark toward you. We both desire this but have let our delight in our quirks and amusements distract us from you.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">O my God who gave me life, who gave me everything, how can I begin to express my overwhelming gratitude except by learning to be faithful to your will in every moment.</span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">God, you know my heart and you know my history with intentions. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You know my fear that I will soon forget this and quickly settle back into my normal routine. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please Great Sustainer, please help me to know and to remember. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Touch my heart and make me new so I do not forget. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please give me the will to live in you. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t know how to do this without your help. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I turn myself over to you with an earnest heart and open soul; please help me to live in your Divine Will, making you the ruler of my life.</span></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></b><span style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">In deepest love and humility,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">your child,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mary Linda</span></span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-61733848277372699122012-08-01T11:01:00.002-06:002017-07-01T09:51:40.787-06:00Radical Hospitality: More from NCYM-C<b id="internal-source-marker_0.026524054817855358" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Besides the transcendent moment in the rain with dear new Friends I wrote about in my last blogpost, and Nanbee’s workshop, the activity I enjoyed most about NCYM-C was morning Bible Study led by Deborah S. The theme for the yearly gathering was Radical Hospitality and Deborah chose individual verses which addressed this theme. Each morning she would give us a printed copy of the day’s verse. We would settle into worship and she would break the silence by reading the verse twice (one day she sang it, too). After that, she had us turn to our neighbor and, in pairs, share what words, images, or ideas arose in our hearts. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t specifically remember each day’s verse but what came to me around Hospitality remains fresh. What occurred to me was how important it is for me to be centered and grounded when I welcome people. It happens that because of my personality and the fact that I make myself available, I’ve often been a public face of my community. I enjoy meeting people, learning about them and telling about us. I ask a lot of questions and try to get a little beyond the superficial if there’s time and it seems appropriate. What happens sometimes, though, is that I forget what people have told me about themselves so that when they visit again, a few months or even just a few weeks later, I can’t remember anything about them and have to start all over again which has to seem very UNwelcoming, insincere and thoughtless. This is most likely to occur when we’ve had a number of new people visit over a short period of time so that I’ve asked the same kinds of questions of too many people too often without letting the responses sink in. Also,I think it is much more likely to happen when I am insufficiently grounded; when I’m all puffed up with how great it is to greet new people because I’m so friendly and get energized by it. I am not centered and am unlikely to be truly welcoming when my ego is bigger than my awareness of how I am reflecting God. </span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is good for me to know this and I am grateful for the opportunity to learn it. I can now be more mindful and deliberate in my approach to newcomers. I have also learned that I need to prepare to greet people </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">before</span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I get to the meetinghouse by becoming attentive to what God might be guiding me to do or say. </span></span></b><br />
<hr />
<b id="internal-source-marker_0.026524054817855358" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I, um, do want to say a word about the Bible study. I can’t really say how long it has been since I’ve done Bible study in a group. In various situations, I remember exploring a few passages in support of something else we were learning about but even that has been a long and rare time. What I remember is how </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">head</span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">-y it was with people wanting to share KNOWLEDGE and to dissect it and talk about the linguistic and cultural understanding of what it </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">means</span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I really appreciated Deborah keeping us focused on our hearts so that we talked about how the words rested in us. The difference seems significant, to me. Knowing versus owning. The potential for transformation seems less likely if only the head is engaged.</span></span></b>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-24951421319855102222012-07-31T10:44:00.000-06:002017-07-01T09:50:01.802-06:00Conservative? Radically: An essay on my first experience at North Carolina Yearly Meeting-Conservative<span id="internal-source-marker_0.8352497742071727" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I’d
never heard of Conservative Friends until sitting with my then new
friend and fellow Friendly Adult Presence Mark Wutka at a Southern
Appalachian Young Friends retreat 5 or so years ago. We were both
members of Liberal Friends meetings and I did what most every Liberal
Friend does when confronted by the word “conservative” in this context, I
sorta bristled before asking Mark to explain what Conservative Friends
means. He told me that Conservative Friends seek to follow a traditional
Quaker path. Their worship is unprogrammed but it is more
Christ-centered and Bible based than Liberal Friends. He said he feels
much more spiritually at home worshipping with Conservative Friends than
he often does among Liberal Friends. I trusted Mark to speak from a
God-filled place and so was interested in Conservative Friends but filed
the information away as a curiosity rather than anything I wanted to
immediately pursue.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Fast
forward to the present: Mark and I are married (it blows my mind to
think of God preparing us for this from our first encounters!) and
attended North Carolina Yearly Meeting-Conservative together this last
month. I wasn’t sure what to expect but what I experienced was a
blessing! It was a joy to me to see how well-loved and cared for Mark is
in this community. In part because so many of his School of the Spirit
classmates were there, it felt like a family reunion: Mark was hugged
and I was hugged and introduced and then hugged again. It was lovely. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">The
community is small and it was easy to feel the intimacy and deep
relationships between people who know one another as the Body of Christ.
What impressed and thrilled me was the shared spiritual vocabulary and
the unabashed acknowledgement of Christ actively working in folks’
lives. I was happily moved to hear people in casual conversation talk
about obedience and following God’s will. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Meetings
for Worship for the Conduct of Business are the heart and major
activity and are well attended. They make it a practice of having each
Monthly Meeting answer the Queries from NCYM-C Faith and Practice as a
body and the clerks or representatives of each MM read the responses
together. I can’t say I was always edified by the responses (some were
exceedingly verbose) but I found the practice compelling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Friday
evening, one of Mark’s classmates from School of the Spirit, Charley
B directed the 2nd performance of a play she wrote as a class
project, The Call. Ashley W read the role of a young woman called
to ministry. The play was about the challenges she faced, practical,
emotional and spiritual and the support she received in the form of
Friends who preceded her in ministry. I found the play to be well
written and researched and deeply thoughtful. It was well-received and
good conversation was generated afterward.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">On
Thursday, during her workshop “Dance of Compassion”, I fell in love
with Nanbee. Her open heart and guilelessness are a rare and
amazingly beautiful gift in this world. Immediately we felt like Soul
Friends and tried to find time to sit together to get to know one
another better. Friday night after the play, my favorite time of the
entire 5 days happened. Nan, her husband Tom, Mark & I got together
at a table on the patio. After visiting a bit, Mark decided to go to our
room to write a letter. Shortly thereafter, Lloyd Lee and Ashley joined us. It had rained at various points that day and while we
sat at our table, it began to drizzle. We raised the umbrella just
before the downpour started. Because several of us were newly acquainted
and I wanted to know each of them and didn’t want to waste the
opportunity making small-talk, I asked everybody questions. I like to
ask the kinds of questions one only needs to be an expert about one’s
own life to answer so everybody can share something and not feel
ignorant or left out. Sitting in the our increasingly damp little island
in the middle of a crashing storm, creating a wonderful intimacy while
telling stories about ourselves was deep and rich for me. I feel we
shared something rare with one another and I will, I think, remember it
the rest of my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">After
having sat in business meeting for days, Saturday evening’s activity
was exactly what everybody needed. We played “A Big Wind Blows” and
“Four Corners” and moved a lot and laughed even more while sharing
thoughts and ideas and bits of ourselves. It was great fun.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sunday
Meeting for Worship was followed by a reading of North Carolina Yearly
Meeting (Conservative)’s Advices. Mark had been asked to read them,
which touched him. Again, I’d never heard Advices read aloud before a
body like that (SAYMA’s Faith and Practice doesn’t contain Advices and I
honestly can’t imagine a body of Liberal Friends ever agreeing on
Advices-seems too much like control). I can’t say the language of the
Advices is completely comfortable for me but I tried to “listen in
tongues” and hear the Holy Spirit behind the words. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Beforehand,
I’d been feeling some serious trepidation about going to NCYM-C due to
the fact that I wouldn’t know one person there and it being Mark’s (and
Mark and Ceal’s) community. I wasn’t sure how people would respond to
me, or if I’d be comfortable with the spiritual vibe. Turns out that I
was nurtured and enriched in ways I never could have imagined and I’ve
made at least one friend I know I will keep all of my days. I returned
home with a renewed spirit and joyful heart and am humbly grateful for
the experience.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "courier new"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "courier new"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-54732802485512674692012-07-29T20:12:00.001-06:002017-07-01T09:54:42.647-06:00Cronkin' on Christ<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<b id="internal-source-marker_0.020487540401518345" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I sat down last summer to read Sandra Cronk’s Pendle Hill Pamphlet #297 “Gospel Order: A Quaker Understanding of Faithful Church Community”. It took me at least six weeks of wrestling with one word before I gave up. That word? “Christ”. She first used Christ in the introduction: “Coming out of a great spiritual revival, transformed and guided by the Spirit of Christ...”. No problem with that. She even provided a definition on page 4: “...It led them to Christ, their Inward Teacher and Guide.” This did not help me when I became stuck on page 7. </span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></span></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0fp5X0h4yJdKc4Izsi17jXXjeRvtwa0KnCC5YA-sbFx3OjhmmcDnFROBavp4jFXUNE-VNPSWSBKtYf_AaQOPh-aYFIpGZXp4QFvzQunxO4JLebTPU1HCOfojOiGgwDNlnofKuKyfAIAbP/s1600/Cronkin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="245" data-original-width="170" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0fp5X0h4yJdKc4Izsi17jXXjeRvtwa0KnCC5YA-sbFx3OjhmmcDnFROBavp4jFXUNE-VNPSWSBKtYf_AaQOPh-aYFIpGZXp4QFvzQunxO4JLebTPU1HCOfojOiGgwDNlnofKuKyfAIAbP/s200/Cronkin.jpg" width="138" /></a></div>
<b id="internal-source-marker_0.020487540401518345" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“It is in this covenantal tradition that Christians have understood their relationship with Christ as a new covenant. George Fox proclaimed that Friends were entering into the new covenant prophesied by Jeremiah. For Fox this covenant was the fulfillment of all that went before. In this new covenant God’s law was not to be written on tablets of stone:</span></b></div>
<b id="internal-source-marker_0.020487540401518345" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /></span></b>
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<b id="internal-source-marker_0.020487540401518345" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will put my law within them, and I will write it upon their hearts;...And no longer shall each man teach his neighbor..., for they shall all know me, …; for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. (Jeremiah 31:33-34, Revised Standard Version)</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For early Friends the new covenant was Christ Jesus and their living relationship with Christ...”.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(imagine, if you will, a car...slowly...coming. to. a. halt. Only not a car. Me.)</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Christ? Christ Jesus? What? What does that </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mean</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? I tried to continue reading the pamphlet but each time, I’d be drawn back to that paragraph, perplexed and frustrated. I was good with the idea of an historical Jesus, the deliverer of the Sermon on the Mount, the man who taught that we are to love God and love one another. The message Jesus taught is why I consider myself a Christian. Jesus as the teacher, guiding us to open our eyes and see we are with God right now. Jesus as a human who was more in touch with That of God than most people. But Jesus Christ? Jesus the Divine? Jesus Christ, which is often followed by our Lord and Savior? Uh...I’m sorry but I can’t go there. I can’t accept Virgin Birth, Resurrection,etc. In touch with God, yes, but not God incarnate. Sorry but it just didn’t speak to me and no matter how I looked at it, I wasn’t able to find meaning in it.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What could I do with the agitation I felt around that last sentence? After rereading it fifty-eleven times and confronting Mark about it repeatedly, I resentfully set the pamphlet down and walked away from it thinking “we’re just going to have to agree to disagree”. </span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But then something happened. I can’t tell you when exactly but my heart opened and what I came to understand and accept is that God is the universal and Christ is the personal. God is what unifies us and Christ is God communicating to each of us. Individual names for different aspects of the divine but still one God. I’ve had a blossoming around Christ since then. I embrace my understanding of God’s relationship with me as being through Christ. I would even say that I find peace, joy and delight in Christ in my life. I feel comfort and security in the concept of Christ: God is so big and ultimately unknowable as to be sometimes overwhelming (awe-some, fear-some) but Christ is intimate, knowing and encouraging, whether firmly directing or gently nurturing, with love.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><hr />
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I struggled with this for so long last summer that it became a thing for me. Mark would ask me what I was reading and I’d sullenly reply, “I’m still Cronking”. Once I “got it”, cronkin’ became a good thing. I was just accepting into the School of the Spirit </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Spiritual Nurturer</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> class #9. Sandra Cronk was one of the founders of SotS so for the next two years I will be cronkin’ hard.</span></span></b>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-25395348861707810952012-04-23T11:50:00.001-06:002012-04-24T05:55:27.432-06:00Walking Selfishly<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">This is not a post about money or class privilege or social structure but those things frame it. I am not poor, not right now, anyway. I'm about to marry a man who, in two years, earns about what I've done in my lifetime (admittedly, I've not earned much, having been a stay-at-home mom for much of it). We have a nice house in a safe neighborhood. Last year, however, I did not have many options. I'd been laid off from my job and with my divorce lost my health insurance and my home. I was scraping by on $880 a month in unemployment benefits and lived in a spare room of a friend's house with my youngest son. Life was challenging and sometimes required some creative accounting ("Peter? Paul? Who gets paid this month?").</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">Ever hear of a Standardized Patient? A SP is a person who is hired and trained by a medical school to present specific symptoms to medical students who are learning how to do patient interviewing, examinations and diagnosing. I worked as an SP at Meharry a few years ago and last October, applied to do the same at Vanderbilt. The type of SP gig I was applying to do what much more specialized than general SP work and I was asked to get an exam by the end of the week as the training was to start shortly thereafter. </span><br style="font-family: courier new;" /><br style="font-family: courier new;" /><span style="font-family: courier new;">By this time I'd been without health insurance and unemployed for six months and hadn't an extra cent to my name so went to the only sliding scale clinic that could fit me in quickly: Planned Parenthood (cost $125 and I wound up paying late because I didn't have that much in my bank account at the time). The exam went fine, no problems, but the result from a test came back indicating a potential problem. The next step was to undergo a test which showed a moderate not-serious-now-but-very-serious-if-not-dealt-with condition. Unfortunately, PP doesn't have the resources to treat this condition so I was referred to The Center for Women's Healthcare at Meharry.</span><br style="font-family: courier new;" /><br style="font-family: courier new;" /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Meharry Medical College serves the people in Nashville who don't have health insurance. In many ways, I'm sure they do the best they can with the meager resources they have. I will say that they could do a whole lot better at training their intake staff. It took 5 months to get this procedure scheduled and during that time my records were lost, I was spoken to rudely and hung up on when I tried to find out who I needed to speak with about scheduling. I've been shocked at how unprofessional some of the administrative and support staff have been. I am able to advocate for myself, I can't imagine what it must be like for someone with fewer resources.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">A week ago last Friday, I went in for my pre-procedure consultation. Anticipating further administrative problems, I got to registration early and checked in. I was told to wait in the lobby and would be called when they were ready. Again my paperwork was lost in the shuffle and I was left waiting for quite a long while. As I sat, increasingly miffed, looking at the other people sitting around me, I found myself thinking, "I don't belong here." I looked around at the other people, the young Hispanic mama with her beautiful, chubby children, the woman in the K-mart sweater with a thick Appalachian accent, the colorfully dressed middle aged man with highly polished pointy-toed alligator shoes, the older couple both wearing NASCAR t-shirts, the young tough with the tattooed neck and shaved head, all of whom were there for the same reason I was-lack of other options-and had the horrible impulse that I am better than them therefore I shouldn't have to be in that environment, treated with such apathy.</span><br style="font-family: courier new;" /><br style="font-family: courier new;" /><span style="font-family: courier new;">I, of course, did not see my own snobbery and bigotry then, I was too caught up with indignation. It wasn't until a few days later that I recalled the feeling of superiority and disdain I had. I've been wrestling with it since. The system sucks but the individuals are not the system, they suffer in it as I do, probably a whole lot more (for instance, I create my own work schedule so can take time off for appointments and not lose income). "...walk cheerfully answering that of God in every one." Hardly. I certainly wasn't aware of the presence of the living God while sitting there seething last Friday. I wasn't rude to anyone but I certainly wasn't a loving example either.</span></span><span style="font-family: courier new; font-size: medium;"> I don't anticipate having to deal with our societal inequalities nor my own inner ugliness again for a while. I pray, though, that the next time I do, I'll be aware of God with me rather than paying all my attention to poor, pitiful me.</span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-80189132514659050322012-02-19T09:54:00.001-06:002017-07-01T09:55:23.517-06:00The Chihuahua is Alright<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ-0qd1l9QMhzzmQJGvCmNpqYx1o8qgDVgjDLRt5OwKh6GEMSckPIaSrhSHL0lYCSHoxL7TRMTUAvzDLnvau-XZnF9wspO69-ZB8KAgJAMsJzlOFOs1UCcT808PhXKOW_lttrWOdxOO3w_/s1600/Argus+in+the+Spring.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710876068889332530" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ-0qd1l9QMhzzmQJGvCmNpqYx1o8qgDVgjDLRt5OwKh6GEMSckPIaSrhSHL0lYCSHoxL7TRMTUAvzDLnvau-XZnF9wspO69-ZB8KAgJAMsJzlOFOs1UCcT808PhXKOW_lttrWOdxOO3w_/s200/Argus+in+the+Spring.JPG" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 150px; margin: 0 0 10px 10px; width: 200px;" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 100%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">The Chihuahua has been alive and well and completely manic for the last long while so entering into worship has been seemingly less than rewarding. I sit still with my body mostly quiet, so I suppose I appear to others to have an Old Argus mind (Argus is my dog, the most gentle, mellow, wonderful dog </span><i style="font-family: courier new;">ever</i><span style="font-family: courier new;">). While my body is still, my mind is racing like a young greyhound after a jackrabbit. Mark and I have tried to remember to have daily worship with one another. We sit in the Quiet Room in The Burrow for 15 or so minutes in worship and then perhaps will do a bit of worship sharing around a query or whatever came up for one of us out of worship. I sit, quiet my body, and try to quiet my mind: I express my gratitude to God for the myriad blessings in my life, sometimes try to hold someone or something in prayer but generally by then The Chihuahua has been yipping with the determination of a fly at a picnic. This has been the pretty consistent state of my mind for months and months.</span></span> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">I don’t feel frustration with myself or feel I am failing or doing something wrong. I accept that this is the way my brain works and have found other ways I am able to connect with God. Although I’m not generally able to feel God’s immediate presence in the stillness of worship, I am aware of God with me and around me and sometimes through me. I know God is with me when I sit in silence waiting with others, even when The Chiuhauhua is yapping so loudly I’m utterly distracted from my awareness of God. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">Last weekend, when working with Mark on our goal for Couples Enrichment, I felt God’s presence intimately and purely. God was with us, guiding us, as we held our relationship in prayer. When we sat in worship together on Monday, I thought about my inability to center into mental stillness in worship but how God is so near to me. In the past, it seemed to me that when The Chihuahua held ownership of my mind, I tended to be distant from God, unable to be immediately aware of God’s presence. But for the past year, year and a half or maybe longer, I’ve been more deliberately attentive to the practices I know bring me closer to God: writing, reading and especially talking with f/Friends about God and spiritual matters. I realize that not being able to be all Good Quaker by centering and quieting and going deep into worship is ok with God. I feel sure that God is good with whatever works for each of us. My intention in worship is to become aware of God and maybe I won’t be able to do so as centeredly, weightily or consistently as other Friends, but I will do it in my way, the way God made me to be, and it will be good.</span></div>
Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-3077014719192067952012-02-15T11:20:00.007-06:002017-07-01T09:57:15.039-06:00Turning Outward<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> <w:splitpgbreakandparamark/> <w:dontvertaligncellwithsp/> <w:dontbreakconstrainedforcedtables/> <w:dontvertalignintxbx/> <w:word11kerningpairs/> 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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mark and I were edified this week by participating in an <a href="http://www.fgcquaker.org/couple-enrichment">FGC Couples Enrichment</a> weekend. Couples were encouraged to identify and define a goal for the next year for their relationship. Our goal is spiritual in nature. Our main obstacle is our own tendencies toward procrastination so we decided to try to do a weekly worship—like a meeting for worship for the conduct of business for us as a couple—in which we hope to listen to any leadings God may have for us, set our intentions for the week, and create structure for ourselves in order to help us meet our goal. Scheduling our time somewhat will allow us to pursue things we feel are important--worship sharing, reading, studying, writing--but that we’ve not been attentive to recently because of more frivolous distractions. We trust that seeking God’s guidance will allow the myriad facets of our lives to take their rightful places.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As Mark and I sat together discussing our vision, I was given a clear message that we are to stop being so self-indulgent and prepare ourselves to take responsibility for what we have been given. Our goal is spiritual, learning to live together in Christ, but it seems that realizing this goal is grounded in the physical reality of The Burrow and so we are to apply ourselves to readying our home to offer hospitality. I think, perhaps in a feng shui-y kind of way, the boxes of books and dusty bookshelves are symbols of inattention. Making The Burrow comfortable and interesting for guests and for our family is the beginning of a larger calling, I think.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do not in any way believe in a “name it and claim it” kind of theology. I don’t believe that God wants us to prosper in material wealth but in Truth. When I say that all I identified as wanting to bring into my life—and more—has been given me, it has. But I believe it has because stating my desires was done while seeking God’s will for me: listening, praying, waiting and discerning. When I wrote the <a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2010/12/2011-prayer-for-releasing-fear-and.html">blog in December 2010</a> about what I wanted to create in my life, it was informed by years of prayer and learning, conversations with centered and trusted Friends and even a <a href="http://www.couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/clearness-committee">Clearness Committee</a>. After I wrote it, I lost my marriage, my job and my home and, against reason and my own impulses, was clearly instructed by God to… wait. Waiting is hard, especially when one hasn’t a clue why one is to wait. But the message to me was clear and so I waited. It wasn’t easy; at times I felt fear, anxiety, frustration, even despair, but I trusted God to have a plan and waited.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then Mark entered my life bringing love and great joy! Our love brought this home and the amazing miracle of all my intentions into existence. I’ve spent the past two months awed at how good God has been to me, grateful every moment for Mark and the wonder and beauty of the life we’re creating together. But especially grateful to have been given the lesson of listening and waiting, the gift of faith.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The last two months with Mark have been a honeymoon, learning the day-to-dayness of how to live together, share, work side-by-side, balance needs, and rely on one another. We’ve had a marvelous time playing, laughing, and loving together. I wouldn’t say we’ve been irresponsible; what I would say, though, is that we’ve spent a lot more energy between us than directed outward. "To everything turn, turn, turn…" It wasn’t inappropriate for us to do that for a time. When we talked about our goal for the year, however, I had the clear message that it is time for us to use our energy to begin to actively bring the gifts we’ve been given to fruition. It is time to act. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve no idea where this is going to lead, no clue what the outcome will be. God’s guidance is like that of a GPS—you only get the next little bit of the map, the part you need right now to act. Mark and I are learning to pray, wait, listen and discern together. When I said that I felt God clearly telling me that we are to begin turning our energies outward, he responded by saying the leading sounds true to him. I feel blessed beyond words to have this kind, passionate, hilariously funny man who is also my true spiritual helpmeet.</span></div>
Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-56436533543410713612011-12-19T08:59:00.008-06:002017-07-01T09:57:57.383-06:00A Year of Releasing, A New Year of Embracing<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">Many changes in the past year. In reading through blogs I wrote, the theme, over and over, was about resting in the unknown and trusting God. I let go of/was relieved of so many things. I was uprooted from the life I’d known for 20 years. Although Frank and Nancy have been unfailingly kind and supportive, it was very hard to live with my son in one room in a friend's house. It was a serious test of patience and frugality to have no job and no income other than unemployment. Living with few certainties was usually stressful and often frightening. I had little that I could know, almost nothing to count on. I did have friends, my children and parents and I had complete faith that it would all make sense one day, that God would guide me to where I should be and I would eventually see the meaning.<br /><br />Everything is changing again.<br /><br />Mark and I established a casual friendship over the course of several years as Friendly Adult Presences (chaperones) in the Quaker teen program in our region, SAYF,<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy87qqKMOWEkcpAQkXdEBWMyYY-zx2clxoEU6P-2n5mnk_6TckGmkXK1V5m9GGPqztnbtP8ejVk6dElv5Yyn9Ne8StjPxy-IPwmxPpOjNQVsLuvonou53h3V7lm3mMID3WjSmAPvkpgClT/s1600/LOVE+bananagrams%2521.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5687855883784571026" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy87qqKMOWEkcpAQkXdEBWMyYY-zx2clxoEU6P-2n5mnk_6TckGmkXK1V5m9GGPqztnbtP8ejVk6dElv5Yyn9Ne8StjPxy-IPwmxPpOjNQVsLuvonou53h3V7lm3mMID3WjSmAPvkpgClT/s200/LOVE+bananagrams%2521.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: right; height: 118px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 200px;" /></a> and it was through this that we were able to connect, which led to us exploring a romantic relationship and falling in love. Although it seems sudden, we feel we have been guided by God. As we got to know one another as unmarried individuals, we found we have an amazing number of things in common. Our faith, the way we experience God and our values are the most important but we also share taste in food (we’re both vegetarian and for the same reason), music, writing, word play and games. We both have a desire to make Christ our center, living God’s will for us in all we do.<br /><br />Mark and I began talking in April, dating in May and we bought a house together this week. He will be moving here immediately after Christmas. We plan to marry in the spring, if it be God’s will for us. We have prayed about each step of our relationship, asking, questioning, wanting it to work but trusting God to know what is best for us and we feel clear that where we are and the vision we share is good.<br /><br />I look back over the last year and I thank God for everything. I am so grateful that I was without work for those 7 months so I could be with my best girlfriend through a difficult health crisis last June. I am grateful I could travel with Finn this past summer, visiting family and doing interesting things together. But especially I am grateful for the time with Mark. I’m grateful I was able to listen, trust and wait as God was telling me to do. If I had rushed or pushed or forced my life forward (by applying to any and all jobs and then taking the first one offered, by renting an apartment, etc.) I would not have learned to listen nor been available when Mark (re)entered my life.<br /><br />This is from my friendlymama blogpost last New Year’s Eve: </span><span style="font-family: courier new;"><br /><br /></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: courier new;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I desire a life of submission to God’s will. I will actively do what I know will increase my awareness of God in my life, writing, prayer, fellowship, community. I will try to be open to new leadings and new directions. Not my will but Thine.<br /><br />I would like to live a frugal life, relatively financially independent. I don’t want to think about retirement but about what kind of impact I am making on the world right now. I would like a low-stress job which would allow me the time to write and build community. Or, I would like to create a business that I can do from home such as owning an apartment building or running a hostel. Or, I’d like to find my own “right livelihood”. I trust Spirit to guide me.<br /><br />Anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows I want to be automobile independent. In Nashville, with children in school and with a job, I don’t think this is possible. I would like to build into my new life as much freedom from auto-dependence as possible. I may still need to own a car but I would like to walk, (learn to) bike and ride buses whenever possible. I trust Spirit to lead me.<br /><br />I would like an open house, that is, a house which is open and warm and inviting. I want to offer hospitality and to welcome people with food and generosity. (I’d really like a country kitchen, good for baking bread.) I would like my home to be a gathering place for my friends and my communities and my children’s friends. I trust Spirit to use me.<br /><br />I would like to have greater compassion coupled with a more effective ability to act. I want to be a member of the Body of Christ on Earth, doing God’s work. I trust Spirit to teach me.</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />When I read that post and I think of all the loss and now all that is being given, I am awed. A year ago, I couldn’t imagine entering into a new relationship and yet God brought this amazing man into my life who supports and facilitates all those things I feel God is calling me to do. Besides the fact that I’m heels-over-head crazy in love with him, Mark seems the mate God created for me. He shares my desire to make our homelife an extension of our spiritual community. The home we now own, which we are calling The Burrow due to its abundance of space, is perfect for offering hospitality and living in community. It is in a neighborhood which will allow us to be much less car-dependent. We are hoping to rent the front third of The Burrow to a single parent to build community and to allow us to have an amount of financial flexibility. I most likely could not have bought this home without Mark and I am grateful beyond my ability to express that God put Mark in my life to be my mate, this man who loves me purely and truly, who accepts my love like a priceless gift and who shares with me the yearning to live in God.</span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-3342195251937949872011-11-05T07:28:00.008-06:002017-07-01T10:03:18.417-06:00On Name Calling, Karma, House Buying (and falling in love)<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">So what if I call him a jerk (or something slightly more colorful)? He doesn’t know and will never know. We’ve never met; will most likely never meet. The nature of our relationship is based on anonymity, ensured by each of us employing an agent to conduct our transactions for us. Our agent, who is just about the sweetest person one could ever meet, calls him a jerk—not in so many words, but still. His agent has begun implying that he feels his client is acting in a jerkish manner. I have confirmation and validation. Dude is being way uncool. Being in agreement that the price was fair, we offered what Seller was asking without attempting to negotiate a lower price. The contract, as is usual, stated that Seller would pay closing costs. Seller refused. Seller refused to pay for termite treatment. Seller tried to force inspections to be done within one week and then, after we capitulated on all the standard contract stipulations he refused, when he finally agreed to the other terms, he is now demanding that the closing take place within 3 weeks. You can imagine that I’d love nothing more than to be in my new home within 3 weeks after having been homeless since May but the mortgage company has everything to do with it at this point.<br /></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">Hmmm…background, background and perhaps a little more background is in order. Where to start?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br />I’m buying a house. With <a href="http://earofthesoul.blogspot.com/">Mark Wutka</a>, who has become my beloved and my betrothed (but about whom there is so much to say it should be, and I’m sure will frequently be, subject for other blogposts). The house we are buying is in Nashville and Mark will be moving here to be with me after Christmas.</span><span style="font-size: 100%;"><br /><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;"><span style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5671513905943565138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjxr1cZxaybr1GzhSzhyphenhyphenXfFZVGvYTyAVS5_97njUvEdcCgJdxdne5XnwKQsX6KR0qDoen79PeElh79d8_fiIs0q4E_0A__CQiyf9OlRMZ0hW5DwCAX3QrTnmBbycNGDFLNQVulgvuGJ14u/s200/outside.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 150px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 200px;" /></span><br />I’ve been looking at houses for YEARS. Dreaming, hoping, escaping, wishing, longing-plenty of pocketa-pocketa-pocketa Walter Mitty stuff-but also lots and lots and lots of research about neighborhoods and cost-per-square-foot and schools and energy efficiency and structural integrity and real estate as investment and so much more.<br /><br />Being unable to afford private school tuition and realizing the need to commit to living in the area with the good public schools so we don’t have to go through the stress and rigmarole of figuring out which school will best meet Finn’s needs each year, I decided to put down roots in Sylvan Park (ironically, we’ve just begun homeschooling again, but that’s grist for yet another post).<br /><br />This house we are buying, which we are calling The Burrow, has been on the market since 2008. It is big-4,000 square feet big-and ugly: it was originally a nice little house that a contractor added a 3,000 square foot box onto the back of in 2006. It was built as a triplex but is legally zoned for single family occupancy so can’t be used as an investment property and will require a lot of work to remodel into a single family dwelling. It is also a weird property, with a very random and illogical floor plan (hence The Burrow, for we Harry Potter fans). It’d been on the market for almost 3 years and then was sold in April of this year and then almost immediately put back on the market. The price was reduced a couple of times and when I called the listing agent to look at it in August, he said the buyer bought it to flip, turned down an offer shortly after it was listed and hadn’t gotten a nibble since then. The price was again lowered a couple of times when Mark and I began to talk seriously about buying a house together so we got a recommendation for a marvelous realtor, <a href="http://wilsongrouprealestate.com/2011/08/23/angela-pickney-o%e2%80%99neil/">Angela</a>, from our friends J&C and The Burrow was the first of 2 places we looked at. It has 9 or 10 bedrooms, 6 & ½ baths and 3 kitchens. It’s huge and odd and quirky but it seemed to fit us and our needs very well. Mark and I both feel a powerful call to center our lives in God and to make our home a continuation of our spiritual community by living near people who share our faith and also through hospitality. We would like to live independent of cars as much as possible and The Burrow is within walking distance of much of what we need and want to do, including Nashville Friends Meeting (we can’t wait to walk to meeting for worship every week!).<br /><br />Our soon-to-be home is big enough to rent out the front 2-3 bedroom section to someone, preferably a single parent with a couple of children who wants to live in community or a single Quaker.<br /><br />Removing the front third of The Burrow from consideration, we will still have 3,000 sf of living space which includes 7 bedrooms, 4&½ baths and 2 kitchens. Mark and I will share an office and bedroom and Zan and Finn will each have their own bedrooms. In addition to that, we will have a room for Mark’s granddaughters, a music room and a library, all of which will also act as guest rooms. The upstairs kitchen/dining area will be rec room/laundry room. We will be able to comfortably and easily welcome friends, visitors, travelers and host lots of parties, gatherings, worship groups and potlucks. We are excited that we will be able to practice hospitality in our home.<br /><br />Back to the jerk, er…Seller. Mark, kind man that he is, does not call Seller rude names. To do so, he explained, would be to make assumptions that may color our behavior toward him. My argument was that we will never meet Seller and so how we refer to him in our private conversations will have no bearing on him. But now I think of this in terms of hospitality.<br /><br />Hospitality to me means welcome, generosity, warmth, sharing, acceptance. I don’t know Seller’s story or anything about him. He made a very foolish business investment hoping to make a quick profit and it seems that he is digging his heels in and stubbornly insisting on squeezing every last cent out of it rather than being grateful to be out from under it. One could make assumptions about his character based on that but when I think about my definition of hospitality, my perspective shifts.<br /><br />Mark and I became acquainted as unmarried people in April and began dating in May. It was pretty clear to both of us that we fell in love shortly thereafter. Since our initial conversation, it has seemed we stepped into <a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-i-know-god.html">The Slipstream</a> and are being carried by God. Way has opened for us every step of our growing relationship. I could go on and on about how perfect we are together but I’ll spare you that (for now). What I will say is that I hadn’t really believed there was anyone in the world I would ever find perfect.<br /><br />I accept, up to a point, the idea of karma, in that I accept that you get back the kind of energy you put out. I don’t have any connection to the idea of past lives or creating karma that is yours at your next birth, hardwiring conditions of your life. I have felt, however, that I must have accrued some seriously good karma to have been blessed with the gift of Mark. Whatever the circumstances, whether it was karma or, as I feel is more true, that God has brought us together for a purpose because we belong together as partners while we serve God, I know we should have hospitality in mind.<br /><br />And in thinking about Seller in the context of karma or of hospitality, referring to him as “The Jerk” does not feel right. He may not be the most lovable person but Jesus didn’t tell us to love only the people who make our lives easy. I wouldn’t call Seller my enemy but it is an easy step to go from calling him The Jerk to thinking of him as an adversary and what does that do? When I call Seller a jerk, I’m not affecting his karma nor changing him in any way but I am creating negativity and an inhospitable mindset. Out of bad experiences we learn and grow and carry with us the potential for transformative purpose. Although Seller seems to have given us a hard time for no good reason, who is to say that Seller isn’t giving us an opportunity for good? Maybe, instead of calling him The Jerk, I should be praising him? This is life and we have no way to know what will come. I spend my life trusting that what I’m learning will have meaning and a use one day. Maybe the lesson right now is to not call people names even when they seem to be deliberately unpleasant, a lesson I should have learned at my mother’s knee but which I obviously did not heed. Maybe the lesson is further patience; maybe it is something about which I currently have no inkling. Whatever the case, I am trying to let go of negativity and assume the best. My life has love aplenty to share and I needn’t be so narrow minded as to think it should only be shared with those who will return it. Blessings for Seller with no stipulations like hope for a softening of his heart: simply blessings for him.</span><br />
Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-84346935852632213912011-08-09T06:14:00.015-06:002011-08-10T16:38:19.663-06:00Modesty, Humility, and Submission<span style="font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;">About a month ago, in a on-line Friendly discussion group for people interested in plain dress and simplicity, in reply to a discussion about modesty, plainness and hair, I wrote this:
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<br />"As for modesty, hmmm...I'm not very modest at all. I'm 46 and have had 3 babies. My body looks like what it is but I'm really happy with it and wear some clothes that show lots of skin. Oddly, about the time I became involved with my plain dressing Quaker man, I also became comfortable wearing dresses and summer tops which showed my cleavage, something I'd never done before. He's fine with it although I'm sure we occasionally discombobulate people."
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<br />Writing that and posting it on a public forum has made me really consider what I said and what I meant.
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<br />I've never been particularly modest; ok, I've always actually been pretty immodest both in attitude and in dress. I've always had fun with dress and having fun has been more important than being modest. My clothes are flashy and my demeanor has always been pretty flashy, too. But lately, since falling for my sincere, Friendly and God-led Plainman, I've had cause to further examine the ways in which I interact with the world.
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<br />From m-w.com:
<br />modesty</span><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>
<br /></strong>1: freedom from conceit or vanity
<br />2: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct<strong> </strong>
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<br />humble
<br />1: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive
<br />2: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission
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<br />Yeah, uh...ahem...not even close.
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<br />I've been considering humility and what it means to me. <em>Give over</em>, I think: give over my ego, my self-ishness, my pride, my conceit, the delight I take in my uniqueness but also my gifts, my abilities and my joy; give myself fully over to God. Submit myself to God, allowing myself to be formed by God and used. At the least, it means being aware of how I reflect that of God within me to the world.
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<br />I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with wearing a dress and camisole with a little cleavage showing. I don't think of sin as an action so much as a state of being. I've written before how I think sin is whatever we allow to come between us and God. So my wearing clothes that show a lot of skin may have no more meaning than me wearing a coat in winter. On the other hand, given my propensity to have my ego tied up in what I wear and how I choose to present myself in my interactions with others, there's definitely potential for vanity.
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<br />I'm slowly beginning to examine my life and my daily choices. I'm not called to plainness but I am feeling that letting go of some of my attachment to how I package myself when I interact with other people is what I should be doing. I don't even think I really need to dress differently than I do, only that I allow dressing to be a prayerful activity rather than a self-ful one. </span></span>
<br />Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-87656174266045797362011-08-01T07:00:00.005-06:002017-07-01T10:05:46.716-06:00My Prayer of Gratitude for Community<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">This was my FirstDay prayer:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">Holy One, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">I thank you so deeply for my Beloved Community. Thank you for the individuals who are my spiritual family and the relationships I have with each. Thank you for the people I love and hold in the tenderest places of my heart. Thank you for all the new people who bring such interesting selves into my world; I look forward to getting to know each of them. Thank you for the folks who challenge me. Thank you for those people who are not easy to know, to understand or to love. Especially I thank you for the people who frustrate me and cause my initial reaction to be irritation because they are often the people from whom I learn the most (and please open my heart so my interactions are more loving and kind). Thank you for dear Friends whom I know and who know me intimately, listen for your will for me and help guide me. Thank you for new Friends who bring joyful enthusiasm, sincere questions and fresh perspectives with them. Thank you for our babies and children who give us delight and who allow us to more clearly see the future. Thank you for those with great needs who give us the opportunity to unite as a community, so we can learn to rely on one another and work together to offer comfort. Thank you for joyful occasions for celebration: memberships and weddings and babies and parties and times of just getting together for the pleasure of it (and Scrabble).</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp1LUBZrz7TXqXmPcM13Jm3ED8WUR7xj6KXTxOVf2FCVoCnhl51zJXLaoFGHiK7CKSxILoCOgN0icAp5zjIMzUU0u-QKaXd3vnEYHVaHn4hFrA-X-_tpZeP9IOljHCzB5spWP5b-Pjx-4O/s1600/13708333_1343583875656399_9198670169027695864_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp1LUBZrz7TXqXmPcM13Jm3ED8WUR7xj6KXTxOVf2FCVoCnhl51zJXLaoFGHiK7CKSxILoCOgN0icAp5zjIMzUU0u-QKaXd3vnEYHVaHn4hFrA-X-_tpZeP9IOljHCzB5spWP5b-Pjx-4O/s320/13708333_1343583875656399_9198670169027695864_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">God, it is through this Beloved Community that I have learned what it means to be the Body of Christ by experiencing how we each have our gifts, callings and functions. In this community I am learning what it means to be humble, to submit, to give over my will and my ego in your service. Most of all, God, I am learning about your love for us and I learn to love you more through the love I am given, the love I feel and the love I'm surprised by and grow into. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">Thank you, Loving Parent, for giving me this safe, nurturing, supportive community in which I am able to experience and test and explore so I may learn to follow your will for me. I am filled with gratitude for the love which flows into me and through me so I may share it with others. What you give is great and I ask that you help me be a true reflection of your love for us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">humbly yours,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">Mary Linda</span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-45245598470468201132011-06-13T08:17:00.004-06:002017-07-01T10:25:12.055-06:00Seek Ye First<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">I sat on a bench under a magnolia tree Saturday holding my life and my relationships with several people in </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">prayer. This song is the message I was given:</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie92rjdu83MuMLSLDXDP5KVr9Km0ovSNilD6sorHtkJvaP6ughVJg4A4d4iw67ccus9v2qkS92Qy_OEJfrOuNhTniWTyVZHLcI7khtpUg0ZLOvDAtSJvBjMuGgOGY7Kp2Eepe4ZEW1gJSL/s1600/19621176_1726318084049641_6004478566030923216_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie92rjdu83MuMLSLDXDP5KVr9Km0ovSNilD6sorHtkJvaP6ughVJg4A4d4iw67ccus9v2qkS92Qy_OEJfrOuNhTniWTyVZHLcI7khtpUg0ZLOvDAtSJvBjMuGgOGY7Kp2Eepe4ZEW1gJSL/s320/19621176_1726318084049641_6004478566030923216_o.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;"><br />Seek ye first the kingdom of God,<br />And its righteousness,<br />And all these things shall be added unto you,<br />Allelu, alleluia<br /><br />At meeting for worship this message was given me: “When I seek first the kingdom of God, all aspects of my life take their rightful place.” I did not share it for the stupid reason that the two people sitting immediately next to me on both sides shared messages and I thought, I dunno, it would seem like we were sitting in the vocal ministry section, or something. That and I was testing it to see if the message was for me or to share. Worship ended without the message being shared and so I write it out and elaborate on it here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;">I don’t know what I think about heaven. Maybe there is heaven and maybe there is not. It is sort of irrelevant to me. Most people think heaven is the kingdom of God, some wondrous place they’ll go to live with God after they die. Jesus said “the kingdom of God is within you” and “the kingdom of God is now”. What this means to me is that this world, this life, this reality (as we know it) is all God’s. Right now is heaven. God is within each of us and each of us is always living in the kingdom of God, if only we awaken to it. The awakening can be called salvation, enlightenment, hearing the still, small voice or being broken open by the Divine Light. However we name it, it is becoming aware of God so we may act in accord with God’s will for us. When we know God, we want to act for God and with God. Jesus said these are the most important commandments: “Love God with all your heart and soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.” In doing these, we are becoming alive to the kingdom of God and we begin to actively work to help others become aware of it by being manifestations of God’s love for us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;"><br />I mostly live a me-centric life. I care for my children and visit with friends and attend meeting for worship and committee meetings. I run errands and read books and take walks. I’m unemployed so I have lots of extra time on my hands to waste, which I do most effectively. Often, I find myself feeling scattered or scared or frazzled or anxious=life out of balance=living for me=not living for God. When I become aware of God and seek first the kingdom of God, the things that cause disharmony in me become small parts of a much bigger picture; those aspects of my life that have been out of balance quietly fall into their rightful places. My life becomes centered on God so I become attentive to God in my every action and aware that I am reflecting God to others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;"><br />I have been blessed by God with a deepening of an old friendship. In a short time, this person has gone from being a casual friend to being someone very important to me. We have many things in common but the most important aspect of our relationship is that we both try to be aware to seek God’s will for us first. We can laugh about most anything and engage in frivolous activities but we both try to maintain an awareness of how we reflect God in our lives. I enjoy his company so much that I want to be with him as often as I can. The temptation is to make my time with him the center point in my life. I am conscious of a difference when I seek the kingdom first versus when I put myself, my desires and wants, first. When I act for myself, I become greedy and self-ish. I want. I can’t get enough. NOW. When I seek God’s kingdom, I gain perspective; I become mindful of my wants in context of God’s will for me. I trust and know that God will guide me to do what is best for me so I may best reflect God’s love. When I spend time in prayer and quiet contemplation, I discover I am able to be patient and know that all will unfold as it should.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 100%;"><br />Over the years I’ve come to almost hate the word “blessed” because it is so over- and mis-used. “Have a blessed day” should be banned from ever being spoken. In spite of my intense dislike of this word, I have to say that blessed is how I feel. God has blessed me with so much good, including-especially-my longing for God. And now, contrary to my plans and ideas for myself, God has brought this amazing friendship into my life which is enriching me in ways too many to number. The main gift of this relationship, though, is that I am learning to make God the center of the relationship. I am not able to articulate what this means to me, how much joy doing so gives me; I can only say I am deeply, overwhelmingly grateful. God is actively working in my life and I don’t think I am special or unique to be so touched. I believe God is available to each of us; we must only be willing to listen. </span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-80555405170906709342011-05-25T05:42:00.005-06:002011-05-25T11:24:35.638-06:00Accountability to God Through Community<span style="font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;">I have deepened my friendships with two dear friends lately. They are both people people I trust with my innermost self. Our relationships are centered first in Spirit and then by enjoyment of one another as individuals with similar tastes and ways of understanding the world. </span><br /><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;">As I've written before, I want to be part of a community that knows me intimately, knows my intentions and gifts and leadings and holds me accountable. This is sometimes known in Quaker circles as eldering.</span></div><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;">Having discussed it in Ministry & Council at NFM many times, I've thought about eldering from the perspective of how much trust one has to have in God to be able to take on the responsibility of eldering. As a very green newcomer to Friends, I was eldered by a seasoned Friend whom I trusted and think back to that experience with love and gratitude because I know it to have been done with loving concern.</span></div><br /><br /><div><span style="font-family:courier new;font-size:130%;">In conversation today with one of my two increasingly important-to-me friends, we talked a bit about our mutual desire to be accountable to our spiritual communities and held accountable by them when it hit me that I can trust him to hold me accountable. This understanding was a rush of good feeling followed immediately by a good measure of fear. The fear=awe kind of fear. The "be careful what you wish for" fear. The fear that I <em>will</em> be held accountable. When asking for community to hold me accountable, my community responded slowly. We talked about eldering and what it means and how its done and shared examples of it. We discussed gifts and leadings and prayed over and encouraged those which seemed God-given. We supported and nurtured those who were suffering and in need of being held. We moved but slowly, which I bemoaned. But you know, being faced with it now, slow was exactly what I needed. Now, being faced with the reality of two dear trusted Friends who are willing to know the deepest, darkest me and who love me anyway and support me and hold me up to God so they can know God's will for me and who are ready and able to lovingly call me out if I stray too far from the Light absolutely blows me away. Fear, yes, but relief, too. And joy.<img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 194px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5610705645422551874" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVPvebpO0jg_sS0uHr5IE6V3lRd1uFeL9IbdJYOZ2VTlJFKBAPw_8N5LrkzaTLLrFMLcb-oipE62GXZARAFqLqCrh1h8wjW0owi8Mi6sm8YSlh0wHTSUu4ozhkOWOiRgqz0QWaIcZr-XZY/s200/accountability-savage-chickens.jpg" /></span></div>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-43068729824234440452011-04-15T08:27:00.006-06:002017-07-01T10:26:19.486-06:00Way? No way.<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 100%;">I've been thinking a lot about how I say "God will put me where I need to be" and what I mean by that. I don't believe God creates tragedy but rather that God is in our responses to hardship. If God shook the Earth to cause earthquakes and tsunamis the implication would be that God is an arbitrary, wrathful god, which I don't believe. </span><span style="font-size: 100%;">Disconnect.</span> <span style="font-size: 100%;">God is directly and intimately involved in my own personal life, leading me, (as Quakers say) opening way for me. All those people in Haiti who are still living in tents with little food or clean water? God is not responsible for the cataclysm that created their suffering but in their response to it? Huh? God loves me. I am given the resources to be free to pursue my higher calling. The people in Haiti spend their time avoiding assault while trying to not starve or die of dysentery. Are they not equal to me? Does God not love them?</span> <span style="font-size: 100%;"></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">I think the problem is in my reasoning that God is directly and immediately involved in my life. I think I'm coming to understand that while God can and has "spoken" to me and gives me leadings, I'm not at all sure about the whole "way opening" thing. Does God open anything for us or do we make choices and connections and seek guidance and support in such a way as to create openings? Does it matter? Right now, to me, I think it does. </span><span style="font-size: 100%;"></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">If God is directly involved in our lives, why is he not directly involved opening the way to end suffering and oppression? Jesus said "the poor will always be with you" which suggests there will always be hunger, injustice, want. So how can I believe that God's paving the way for me but not for all those others. Might makes right? Survival of the fittest? I don't think so.</span> <span style="font-size: 100%;"></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">Right now, I think I'm leaning toward the idea that I am able to connect with God, with the Christ-consciousness and doing so makes me want to move closer, to act Right, to deny my ego-impulses and to choose wisely: to reflect love. When I'm living in this way ("in the Cross" as old Quakers called it), I'm living in God and am more likely to put myself in situations in which the decisions I make reinforce my desire to reflect God's love. </span></span><span style="font-size: 100%;"></span><span style="font-size: 100%;"></span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359713537087862054.post-50389991681744786272011-02-28T11:28:00.005-06:002017-07-01T10:27:02.334-06:00Describing the Unknowable<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God does not equal "acts of nature".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God does not equal "the Church".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">God does not equal "</span><a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2008/02/god-does-not-equal-authority.html"><span style="font-family: courier new;">the Authority</span></a><span style="font-family: courier new;">".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">I can't tell you what God is but I'm sure that if your concept of God evokes fear not inspired by awe, guilt, a lot of sorrow or anger, I'm certain it's not really God you're thinking about. My guess is that if your understanding of God inspires any of the preceding emotions, you're dealing with familial, cultural and religious indoctrination rather than a direct experience of God. God is God and thus, unknowable and </span><a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2010/05/god-in-100-words-and-few-more.html"><span style="font-family: courier new;">indescribable</span></a><span style="font-family: courier new;"> but my understanding is based on my experience with God and I can say that God may be many other things (or every other thing) but most of all </span><a href="http://friendlymama.blogspot.com/2008/03/knowing-god-through-jesus.html"><span style="font-family: courier new;">God is Love</span></a><span style="font-family: courier new;">. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What seems weird to me is how many of us completely reject all the "thou shall not" religious beliefs we were given but continue to accept the idea of God as "judge, jury and executioner" that went along with the religion. We reject the Old Testament harshness of religion as misguided at best but also manipulative and wrong and then, rather than examining those messages and trying to figure out what, if anything, is still meaningful to us, we spurn all of it. I don't think God should be blamed because some people use God's name as a way to control others. If you don't like the message you've been given, reject the message but then figure out for yourself what message would be OK with you. If God seems like an arbitrary, temperamental Zeus-like diety, spend some time thinking about if that really is God or if it's just an idea you've been given.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I find people who claim to be atheists based on their rejection of God as "The Authority of the Church" to be as deluded as people who are religious fundamentalists. Both seem to me to be immature and simplistic belief systems. If the choice was between God as The Authority or no God, I'd claim atheism, too. What this type of atheist doesn't get is that this is a false choice. I suspect there are as many ways of approaching and conceptualizing God as there are people so I think it's OK to deny the narrow and negative ideas as long as you don't get stuck there. Open your mind and your heart and try out some other ideas of what God may be for you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I try to avoid projecting human emotion or motivations onto God. I don't believe that God punishes some and rewards others; I think things happen and God is to be found in how we respond. Yes, God created the world and set everything in motion in some metaphorical 7 days way. God is recorded as knowing when a sparrow dies but nowhere does it say God made the sparrow die at that moment. I reckon God must have created entropy but I don't think God uses catastrophe as a weapon against us. Things happen. Nature happens. We humans do things that cause harm. There is evil in the world. God allows it but I don't think God wills it. We find God in what we do with what we have. When bad things happen to us we can respond by becoming bitter or we can respond with love. God is in the love.</span>Friendly Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12958152969639229916noreply@blogger.com2