Today is our first day, since my surgery, of venturing out of the house without a car. We have our homeschool cooperative classes today and have to be at the Meetinghouse at 10:00 to unlock the door. In order to get there on time, we need to leave the house about 8:00. We'll be walking a mile to the bus stop (I'm allowing 37 minutes for the walk. I usually walk a mile in 20 minutes but I will be walking very slowly because I'm still sore from the surgery), taking the bus downtown, transferring to another bus that will take us to a stop a couple of blocks from the Meetinghouse. We should be there precisely at 10. This plan works contingent on the buses being on time, the stuff I have to carry (supplies for classes, lunches, things that other's have left at classes in weeks past that have to be returned, etc.) not being too heavy and nobody needing to use the bathroom en route. I mean, the plan will work because it has to work but it's a lot more comfortable when everything goes smoothly. I must go finish getting ready.
Update tomorrow!
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Bright Red Mohawk
I walked to the mailbox yesterday to find that a strangely shaped package had arrived from England. Turned out to be the hair dye Declan had ordered (I'm not at all sure why he ordered from a company in England...probably just so he could say he did). The day he ordered the dye, I bought him some hair bleach. Of course, he was driven to get it done last night, so I helped him. As he only has a strip of hair about an inch wide and 3 inches long that runs from his forehead to the nape of his neck in what is known as a "Mohawk", the bleaching and dying process weren't too difficult. I love that prickly, funny, passionate kid.
As I was squeezing the bleach concoction onto his hair I thought about the fact that I've always wondered about how I would be as mother to a daughter as I'm so totally inept when it comes to fixing hair. It occurred to me that having a punk son is very satisfying.
When we were done with the coloring, he asked me to shave the sides. I don't like the mess or the way the electric razor makes my hands tingle but I do love shaving him because it's the only time he allows me close enough to touch him. We talk openly about things. I found out last night that he and his old girlfriend have gotten back together.
She's interesting. She lives in another state and they met at a Quaker youth retreat. Before I met her, a couple of people who knew her came up to me and told me that Dex's new girlfriend looks like me. When I met her, she walked up to me, stuck her finger in my face and said, totally serious, "I do not look like you". I thought she was joking, although she didn't introduce herself; she just marched away. Turned out that she wasn't joking. They dated for almost a year and not once, in that whole time, was she ever cordial or polite to me. I went waaaaay out of my way on several occasions to drive to pick her up so they could spend some time together and not once did she ever say so much as "thanks". Needless to say, I was not terribly happy when D told me they got back together. He said he talked to her about how she'd spoken to me and that she had been unaware of having been rude. We'll see if anything changes. I explained to him (again) that his life is a lot easier if I can feel comfortable and trust the people he hangs out with. When they're rude to me and antagonistic, it only makes me less likely to be willing to drive them around or go out of my way to facilitate them being together.
One thing about her, and all the girls Dec has dated, they're all very strong, very sure of themselves, intelligent, independent young women. My son is definitely attracted to feminists and I couldn't be any prouder! He also is very accepting of variations in gender identification. Although he has only ever dated girls and doesn't really seem to be attracted to guys, I think he identifies as bi, as do several of his close friends, on principle, I think.
We may clash on a lot of things-I drive him crazy, he drives me crazy-but I think he's growing into a really neat young man. I think one day, when he no longer needs to reject what I stand for, he's going to take all his negative energy and use it to make positive changes in the world. One of these days he will find his cause-some injustice in the world that he believes is worth fighting for-and he will be a powerful force.
Oh yeah, as a footnote: After we were all done with his hair, he was standing in the livingroom showing it off to Hammy, he said he'll probably go to school and get beat up and then suspended. I initially thought it would be because he is the only punk in his school but he said no, it's because his hair is red-the color of one of the gangs. Oh my goodness, what kind of a world is this when a 15 year old punk kid can't dye his mohawk mercurochrome red without the authorities thinking he's a "Blood" (or is it "Crip"?)? I hope he doesn't get beaten up. If school authorities do mess with him I'm happy to take them on. No one is less likely to be part of a gang than my kid-anarchist that he is. We'll see what happens.
As I was squeezing the bleach concoction onto his hair I thought about the fact that I've always wondered about how I would be as mother to a daughter as I'm so totally inept when it comes to fixing hair. It occurred to me that having a punk son is very satisfying.
When we were done with the coloring, he asked me to shave the sides. I don't like the mess or the way the electric razor makes my hands tingle but I do love shaving him because it's the only time he allows me close enough to touch him. We talk openly about things. I found out last night that he and his old girlfriend have gotten back together.
She's interesting. She lives in another state and they met at a Quaker youth retreat. Before I met her, a couple of people who knew her came up to me and told me that Dex's new girlfriend looks like me. When I met her, she walked up to me, stuck her finger in my face and said, totally serious, "I do not look like you". I thought she was joking, although she didn't introduce herself; she just marched away. Turned out that she wasn't joking. They dated for almost a year and not once, in that whole time, was she ever cordial or polite to me. I went waaaaay out of my way on several occasions to drive to pick her up so they could spend some time together and not once did she ever say so much as "thanks". Needless to say, I was not terribly happy when D told me they got back together. He said he talked to her about how she'd spoken to me and that she had been unaware of having been rude. We'll see if anything changes. I explained to him (again) that his life is a lot easier if I can feel comfortable and trust the people he hangs out with. When they're rude to me and antagonistic, it only makes me less likely to be willing to drive them around or go out of my way to facilitate them being together.
One thing about her, and all the girls Dec has dated, they're all very strong, very sure of themselves, intelligent, independent young women. My son is definitely attracted to feminists and I couldn't be any prouder! He also is very accepting of variations in gender identification. Although he has only ever dated girls and doesn't really seem to be attracted to guys, I think he identifies as bi, as do several of his close friends, on principle, I think.
We may clash on a lot of things-I drive him crazy, he drives me crazy-but I think he's growing into a really neat young man. I think one day, when he no longer needs to reject what I stand for, he's going to take all his negative energy and use it to make positive changes in the world. One of these days he will find his cause-some injustice in the world that he believes is worth fighting for-and he will be a powerful force.
Oh yeah, as a footnote: After we were all done with his hair, he was standing in the livingroom showing it off to Hammy, he said he'll probably go to school and get beat up and then suspended. I initially thought it would be because he is the only punk in his school but he said no, it's because his hair is red-the color of one of the gangs. Oh my goodness, what kind of a world is this when a 15 year old punk kid can't dye his mohawk mercurochrome red without the authorities thinking he's a "Blood" (or is it "Crip"?)? I hope he doesn't get beaten up. If school authorities do mess with him I'm happy to take them on. No one is less likely to be part of a gang than my kid-anarchist that he is. We'll see what happens.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Sense of the Meeting
Last night was the 3rd Quakerism class. We studied the pamphlet "Beyond Consensus: Salvaging Sense of the Meeting" by Barry Morley. I have to admit that only within the last year did I really begin to understand "sense of the Meeting" and what it meant; prior to that I had used that and consensus interchangeably.
One thing that was reinforced for me, in reading the pamphlet, is about waiting on Spirit to give a sense of the Meeting. Waiting is hard sometimes, especially if one has a desired outcome. For sense of the Meeting to work, we have to let go of ego and accept the will of God: Not mine, but thine. (I sure wish I'd understood that years back when Nashville Friends Meeting was in beginning the process of looking at the space needs of our growing community-we did, eventually, move into a larger building). On the other hand, if all are in unity, willing and able to put aside individual desires, I think sense of the Meeting can be a beautiful, spiritual and even efficient process.
Our Meeting for Worship for the Conduct of Business has been combined with our "normal" Meeting for Worship" in the last six months. I am enjoying and appreciating the opportunity to strengthen and deepen my awareness of Spirit in our community through allowing us all to learn to worship God by waiting and serving; I think it gives us a new dimension to worship.
Having read the pamphlet I was made aware of the need to allow Spirit time to let the process unfold as God wills. At the beginning of each of our combined M.f.W.f.t.C.o.B., the clerk announces that the Meeting will be held to 100 minutes (or something like that) of which, 20 are spent settling into silent contemplation of the query. We will have M for B on the 3rd Sunday. I am going to be aware of the flow of time and Spirit. I remember a vague sense of hurrying to get to all the items on the M for B agenda last month and I want to become more aware of the unfolding of the process.
One thing that was reinforced for me, in reading the pamphlet, is about waiting on Spirit to give a sense of the Meeting. Waiting is hard sometimes, especially if one has a desired outcome. For sense of the Meeting to work, we have to let go of ego and accept the will of God: Not mine, but thine. (I sure wish I'd understood that years back when Nashville Friends Meeting was in beginning the process of looking at the space needs of our growing community-we did, eventually, move into a larger building). On the other hand, if all are in unity, willing and able to put aside individual desires, I think sense of the Meeting can be a beautiful, spiritual and even efficient process.
Our Meeting for Worship for the Conduct of Business has been combined with our "normal" Meeting for Worship" in the last six months. I am enjoying and appreciating the opportunity to strengthen and deepen my awareness of Spirit in our community through allowing us all to learn to worship God by waiting and serving; I think it gives us a new dimension to worship.
Having read the pamphlet I was made aware of the need to allow Spirit time to let the process unfold as God wills. At the beginning of each of our combined M.f.W.f.t.C.o.B., the clerk announces that the Meeting will be held to 100 minutes (or something like that) of which, 20 are spent settling into silent contemplation of the query. We will have M for B on the 3rd Sunday. I am going to be aware of the flow of time and Spirit. I remember a vague sense of hurrying to get to all the items on the M for B agenda last month and I want to become more aware of the unfolding of the process.
Monday, April 2, 2007
Motherhood and Spirituality Retreat
Motherhood and Spirituality Retreat
Sunday, April 22
9:00-5:00
Trust and Truth: Friendships
9:00-Time to gather and attend to practical considerations
9:30-Getting to know you: Best friends at 10
10:00-Discussion: Betrayal and healing-letting go of expectations
12:00-Lunch
1:00-Finding myself: Rediscovering my Truth
2:30-Time for Stillness
3:30-Opening myself to Trust
5:00-Time to clean-up and depart
Please bring with you:
~a potluck dish
~a physical symbol of a friendship
~clothing appropriate for a walk in the woods
~your warm heart and open mind
As always, lap-babies are welcome.
Please let me know of your intent to participate by April 16th.
The cost per individual is $20.00 or whatever you can afford. Penuel Ridge Retreat Center http://www.penuelridge.org/
Sunday, April 22
9:00-5:00
Trust and Truth: Friendships
9:00-Time to gather and attend to practical considerations
9:30-Getting to know you: Best friends at 10
10:00-Discussion: Betrayal and healing-letting go of expectations
12:00-Lunch
1:00-Finding myself: Rediscovering my Truth
2:30-Time for Stillness
3:30-Opening myself to Trust
5:00-Time to clean-up and depart
Please bring with you:
~a potluck dish
~a physical symbol of a friendship
~clothing appropriate for a walk in the woods
~your warm heart and open mind
As always, lap-babies are welcome.
Please let me know of your intent to participate by April 16th.
The cost per individual is $20.00 or whatever you can afford. Penuel Ridge Retreat Center http://www.penuelridge.org/
7 Days Without Praying Makes One Weak
Bwaa-haa-haa! Don'tcha just LOVE the wisdom of church marquees?
But, as I sat down to write, the above is what came to me, I guess because it's been a week since I blogged. One week ago, I was on an operating table at Baptist Hospital having my gallbladder removed (I feel tired and sore but very well, thank you for asking). Several times in the past week I've sat down to blog and just haven't felt...let us just say, inspired.
I've had great difficulty being aware of the Divine this past week. I have faith that God is always here, always with me. I believe that I live with God every moment. I have frequent, intellectual reminders of my belief but I can't seem to move beyond glimpses of how I want to abide in awareness.
Physical discomfort seems to be a big point of distraction for me. My mind cannot settle if I feel discomfort or pain, I'm not sure why. I believe that God created our bodies as well as our souls. Ideally, I guess I'd be able to use physical sensation as a reminder of God-a physical mantra in a way, but instead, my mind is like a bird trapped in a small room full of windows.
So again, I begin anew. In this moment I will be aware of the presence of God. In this moment I will see myself as more than just this woman who still has 6 out of the 9 things left to do from today's "to do" list. In this moment I am aware of how I reflect God. In this moment, God's will, not mine. Maybe I will get to a point in which this moment will link with other moments and I will actually live in accord with my beliefs. For now, this moment is the one that matters.
But, as I sat down to write, the above is what came to me, I guess because it's been a week since I blogged. One week ago, I was on an operating table at Baptist Hospital having my gallbladder removed (I feel tired and sore but very well, thank you for asking). Several times in the past week I've sat down to blog and just haven't felt...let us just say, inspired.
I've had great difficulty being aware of the Divine this past week. I have faith that God is always here, always with me. I believe that I live with God every moment. I have frequent, intellectual reminders of my belief but I can't seem to move beyond glimpses of how I want to abide in awareness.
Physical discomfort seems to be a big point of distraction for me. My mind cannot settle if I feel discomfort or pain, I'm not sure why. I believe that God created our bodies as well as our souls. Ideally, I guess I'd be able to use physical sensation as a reminder of God-a physical mantra in a way, but instead, my mind is like a bird trapped in a small room full of windows.
So again, I begin anew. In this moment I will be aware of the presence of God. In this moment I will see myself as more than just this woman who still has 6 out of the 9 things left to do from today's "to do" list. In this moment I am aware of how I reflect God. In this moment, God's will, not mine. Maybe I will get to a point in which this moment will link with other moments and I will actually live in accord with my beliefs. For now, this moment is the one that matters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)