Modesty, Humility, and Submission

About a month ago, in a on-line Friendly discussion group for people interested in plain dress and simplicity, in reply to a discussion about modesty, plainness and hair, I wrote this:

"As for modesty, hmmm...I'm not very modest at all. I'm 46 and have had 3 babies. My body looks like what it is but I'm really happy with it and wear some clothes that show lots of skin. Oddly, about the time I became involved with my plain dressing Quaker man, I also became comfortable wearing dresses and summer tops which showed my cleavage, something I'd never done before. He's fine with it although I'm sure we occasionally discombobulate people."

Writing that and posting it on a public forum has made me really consider what I said and what I meant.

I've never been particularly modest; ok, I've always actually been pretty immodest both in attitude and in dress. I've always had fun with dress and having fun has been more important than being modest. My clothes are flashy and my demeanor has always been pretty flashy, too. But lately, since falling for my sincere, Friendly and God-led Plainman, I've had cause to further examine the ways in which I interact with the world.

From m-w.com:
modesty
1: freedom from conceit or vanity
2: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct

humble
1: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive
2: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission

Yeah, uh...ahem...not even close.

I've been considering humility and what it means to me. Give over, I think: give over my ego, my self-ishness, my pride, my conceit, the delight I take in my uniqueness but also my gifts, my abilities and my joy; give myself fully over to God. Submit myself to God, allowing myself to be formed by God and used. At the least, it means being aware of how I reflect that of God within me to the world.

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with wearing a dress and camisole with a little cleavage showing. I don't think of sin as an action so much as a state of being. I've written before how I think sin is whatever we allow to come between us and God. So my wearing clothes that show a lot of skin may have no more meaning than me wearing a coat in winter. On the other hand, given my propensity to have my ego tied up in what I wear and how I choose to present myself in my interactions with others, there's definitely potential for vanity.

I'm slowly beginning to examine my life and my daily choices. I'm not called to plainness but I am feeling that letting go of some of my attachment to how I package myself when I interact with other people is what I should be doing. I don't even think I really need to dress differently than I do, only that I allow dressing to be a prayerful activity rather than a self-ful one.

My Prayer of Gratitude for Community

This was my FirstDay prayer:

Holy One,

I thank you so deeply for my Beloved Community. Thank you for the individuals who are my spiritual family and the relationships I have with each. Thank you for the people I love and hold in the tenderest places of my heart. Thank you for all the new people who bring such interesting selves into my world; I look forward to getting to know each of them. Thank you for the folks who challenge me. Thank you for those people who are not easy to know, to understand or to love. Especially I thank you for the people who frustrate me and cause my initial reaction to be irritation because they are often the people from whom I learn the most (and please open my heart so my interactions are more loving and kind). Thank you for dear Friends whom I know and who know me intimately, listen for your will for me and help guide me. Thank you for new Friends who bring joyful enthusiasm, sincere questions and fresh perspectives with them. Thank you for our babies and children who give us delight and who allow us to more clearly see the future. Thank you for those with great needs who give us the opportunity to unite as a community, so we can learn to rely on one another and work together to offer comfort. Thank you for joyful occasions for celebration: memberships and weddings and babies and parties and times of just getting together for the pleasure of it (and Scrabble).

God, it is through this Beloved Community that I have learned what it means to be the Body of Christ by experiencing how we each have our gifts, callings and functions. In this community I am learning what it means to be humble, to submit, to give over my will and my ego in your service. Most of all, God, I am learning about your love for us and I learn to love you more through the love I am given, the love I feel and the love I'm surprised by and grow into.

Thank you, Loving Parent, for giving me this safe, nurturing, supportive community in which I am able to experience and test and explore so I may learn to follow your will for me. I am filled with gratitude for the love which flows into me and through me so I may share it with others. What you give is great and I ask that you help me be a true reflection of your love for us.

humbly yours,
Mary Linda

Seek Ye First

I sat on a bench under a magnolia tree Saturday holding my life and my relationships with several people in prayer. This song is the message I was given:

Seek ye first the kingdom of God,
And its righteousness,
And all these things shall be added unto you,
Allelu, alleluia

At meeting for worship this message was given me: “When I seek first the kingdom of God, all aspects of my life take their rightful place.” I did not share it for the stupid reason that the two people sitting immediately next to me on both sides shared messages and I thought, I dunno, it would seem like we were sitting in the vocal ministry section, or something. That and I was testing it to see if the message was for me or to share. Worship ended without the message being shared and so I write it out and elaborate on it here.
I don’t know what I think about heaven. Maybe there is heaven and maybe there is not. It is sort of irrelevant to me. Most people think heaven is the kingdom of God, some wondrous place they’ll go to live with God after they die. Jesus said “the kingdom of God is within you” and “the kingdom of God is now”. What this means to me is that this world, this life, this reality (as we know it) is all God’s. Right now is heaven. God is within each of us and each of us is always living in the kingdom of God, if only we awaken to it. The awakening can be called salvation, enlightenment, hearing the still, small voice or being broken open by the Divine Light. However we name it, it is becoming aware of God so we may act in accord with God’s will for us. When we know God, we want to act for God and with God. Jesus said these are the most important commandments: “Love God with all your heart and soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.” In doing these, we are becoming alive to the kingdom of God and we begin to actively work to help others become aware of it by being manifestations of God’s love for us.

I mostly live a me-centric life. I care for my children and visit with friends and attend meeting for worship and committee meetings. I run errands and read books and take walks. I’m unemployed so I have lots of extra time on my hands to waste, which I do most effectively. Often, I find myself feeling scattered or scared or frazzled or anxious=life out of balance=living for me=not living for God. When I become aware of God and seek first the kingdom of God, the things that cause disharmony in me become small parts of a much bigger picture; those aspects of my life that have been out of balance quietly fall into their rightful places. My life becomes centered on God so I become attentive to God in my every action and aware that I am reflecting God to others.

I have been blessed by God with a deepening of an old friendship. In a short time, this person has gone from being a casual friend to being someone very important to me. We have many things in common but the most important aspect of our relationship is that we both try to be aware to seek God’s will for us first. We can laugh about most anything and engage in frivolous activities but we both try to maintain an awareness of how we reflect God in our lives. I enjoy his company so much that I want to be with him as often as I can. The temptation is to make my time with him the center point in my life. I am conscious of a difference when I seek the kingdom first versus when I put myself, my desires and wants, first. When I act for myself, I become greedy and self-ish. I want. I can’t get enough. NOW. When I seek God’s kingdom, I gain perspective; I become mindful of my wants in context of God’s will for me. I trust and know that God will guide me to do what is best for me so I may best reflect God’s love. When I spend time in prayer and quiet contemplation, I discover I am able to be patient and know that all will unfold as it should.

Over the years I’ve come to almost hate the word “blessed” because it is so over- and mis-used. “Have a blessed day” should be banned from ever being spoken. In spite of my intense dislike of this word, I have to say that blessed is how I feel. God has blessed me with so much good, including-especially-my longing for God. And now, contrary to my plans and ideas for myself, God has brought this amazing friendship into my life which is enriching me in ways too many to number. The main gift of this relationship, though, is that I am learning to make God the center of the relationship. I am not able to articulate what this means to me, how much joy doing so gives me; I can only say I am deeply, overwhelmingly grateful. God is actively working in my life and I don’t think I am special or unique to be so touched. I believe God is available to each of us; we must only be willing to listen.

Accountability to God Through Community

I have deepened my friendships with two dear friends lately. They are both people people I trust with my innermost self. Our relationships are centered first in Spirit and then by enjoyment of one another as individuals with similar tastes and ways of understanding the world.

As I've written before, I want to be part of a community that knows me intimately, knows my intentions and gifts and leadings and holds me accountable. This is sometimes known in Quaker circles as eldering.

Having discussed it in Ministry & Council at NFM many times, I've thought about eldering from the perspective of how much trust one has to have in God to be able to take on the responsibility of eldering. As a very green newcomer to Friends, I was eldered by a seasoned Friend whom I trusted and think back to that experience with love and gratitude because I know it to have been done with loving concern.

In conversation today with one of my two increasingly important-to-me friends, we talked a bit about our mutual desire to be accountable to our spiritual communities and held accountable by them when it hit me that I can trust him to hold me accountable. This understanding was a rush of good feeling followed immediately by a good measure of fear. The fear=awe kind of fear. The "be careful what you wish for" fear. The fear that I will be held accountable. When asking for community to hold me accountable, my community responded slowly. We talked about eldering and what it means and how its done and shared examples of it. We discussed gifts and leadings and prayed over and encouraged those which seemed God-given. We supported and nurtured those who were suffering and in need of being held. We moved but slowly, which I bemoaned. But you know, being faced with it now, slow was exactly what I needed. Now, being faced with the reality of two dear trusted Friends who are willing to know the deepest, darkest me and who love me anyway and support me and hold me up to God so they can know God's will for me and who are ready and able to lovingly call me out if I stray too far from the Light absolutely blows me away. Fear, yes, but relief, too. And joy.

Way? No way.

I've been thinking a lot about how I say "God will put me where I need to be" and what I mean by that. I don't believe God creates tragedy but rather that God is in our responses to hardship. If God shook the Earth to cause earthquakes and tsunamis the implication would be that God is an arbitrary, wrathful god, which I don't believe. Disconnect. God is directly and intimately involved in my own personal life, leading me, (as Quakers say) opening way for me. All those people in Haiti who are still living in tents with little food or clean water? God is not responsible for the cataclysm that created their suffering but in their response to it? Huh? God loves me. I am given the resources to be free to pursue my higher calling. The people in Haiti spend their time avoiding assault while trying to not starve or die of dysentery. Are they not equal to me? Does God not love them? I think the problem is in my reasoning that God is directly and immediately involved in my life. I think I'm coming to understand that while God can and has "spoken" to me and gives me leadings, I'm not at all sure about the whole "way opening" thing. Does God open anything for us or do we make choices and connections and seek guidance and support in such a way as to create openings? Does it matter? Right now, to me, I think it does. If God is directly involved in our lives, why is he not directly involved opening the way to end suffering and oppression? Jesus said "the poor will always be with you" which suggests there will always be hunger, injustice, want. So how can I believe that God's paving the way for me but not for all those others. Might makes right? Survival of the fittest? I don't think so. Right now, I think I'm leaning toward the idea that I am able to connect with God, with the Christ-consciousness and doing so makes me want to move closer, to act Right, to deny my ego-impulses and to choose wisely: to reflect love. When I'm living in this way ("in the Cross" as old Quakers called it), I'm living in God and am more likely to put myself in situations in which the decisions I make reinforce my desire to reflect God's love.