We Are Dancing

JACOB'S LADDER

traditional, additional lyrics by Pete Seeger

We are climbing Jacob's ladder

We are climbing Jacob's ladder

We are climbing Jacob's ladder

Brothers, sisters, all

Every rung goes higher and higher

Every rung goes higher and higher

Every rung goes higher and higher

Brothers, sisters, all

We are dancing Sarah's circle

We are dancing Sarah's circle

We are dancing Sarah's circle

Sisters, brothers, all

Every round a generation

Every round a generation

Every round a generation

Sisters, brothers, all

We are climbing Jacob's ladder

We are climbing Jacob's ladder

We are climbing Jacob's ladder

Brothers, sisters, all

Teen Retreat

I've been wanting to write about my experiences of the past weekend but several things-work, time, but especially the desire to accurately represent the retreat without hyperbole have inhibited me.

I am not exaggerating when I say that the SAYF retreat was one of the most moving experiences of my life. I am awed by the respect, love and true acceptance the people at SAYF show for one another. There were around 35 teens and 7 or 8 FAPs (Friendly Adult Presence) including myself and two young adult FAPs-in-training. Several of the teens have been in SAYF for years, many for a year or two and there were a couple of newcomers. Over the course of the weekend I never sensed cliquishness or exclusion of anyone. The teens seemed to go out of their way to create opportunities for everyone to feel welcomed and included.

The teens planned, organized and led all the activities. The one that had the greatest impact on me was one in which the main room was divided into thirds: The middle was "I don't know or I'm not sure", the right side was "No" and the left, "Yes". The leader (a young man named Austin) stood on a chair and asked questions. They began with generic things like, "Have you ever been skiing?" and became more personal as the "game" proceeded. Austin would ask different people if they wanted to share why they feel about the question like they do, or people would hold up their hands to answer. "Is killing someone ever justified"? "Do you believe in God"? "Do you call yourself a Christian"? All were questions asked. What almost amazed me was the honesty, thoughtfulness and lack of judgment in the answers. There were even a couple of people who seemed to disagree about their beliefs but they were very open and respectful of one another.

I guess because all I have to compare this with are the youth group meetings of my own Baptist youth is why I'm so touched by the support and honesty. Self-censoring of honest answers were par for the course for me; we had to keep with the "party line" or we were "sinners". Once, in a discussion about abortion, I made the mistake of saying that if I got pregnant out of "wedlock" I would consider having an abortion. I answered honestly and tried to explain that the reason I felt that way was because of the way girls who got pregnant were judged so harshly and treated badly and I wouldn't want to subject myself to that but my peers and leader didn't want to hear my reasons.

Anyway, the physical affection the kids give to one another is really beautiful. "Puppy piles" of cuddly bodies are everywhere. Boys (almost men) hug boys and girls and gender or sexual orientation seem to be almost irrelevant. There were two couples paired up. One of the couples stayed physically close to one another but respected the boundaries and "rules" of proper conduct. The other couple pushed the boundaries but were gently "nurtured" (the teen version of eldering). It seems that teen sexuality is such a normal and accepted thing that it's completely acknowledged, honored and somewhat harnessed into group compassion. It seemed a very healthy environment, to me.

I kept thinking that it would be wonderful if we adults would be a little less inhibited with one another when we have our meetings. The teens really know how to show love to one another. I think we adults have lost that.

Oh, and the other thing that moved me was the lack of "Posturing". I didn't observe any "alpha male" chest pounding or "catty-girl" manipulations the whole weekend. The guys all supported one another and built each other up. The girls didn't seem competitive with one another. Maybe because of the lack of negative sexual dynamic, the kids all seem to respect one another and themselves.

The theme for the weekend was "Community" and we talked about the best thing about community. Several of the kids said that SAYF is the only time they feel truly accepted and able to be themselves. I'm so glad SAYF is. I feel honored to have been able to be a part of it. I don't know if my son just hated me being there but I'd be really happy to be able to go again. If I can or if I can't, I'm grateful to have had at least one opportunity to spend time in that safe, SAYF environment.

(and now to work. I have 2 interviews scheduled and about 10 phone calls I have to make today...)

On My Way Out, Again...

I've been recruited to drive the Nashville Friends Meeting youth group to the SAYF retreat in Knoxville this weekend. I'll be leaving in an hour or so to meet people at the Meetinghouse and leaving from there. Hammy and I haven't had much time together lately and our relationship is feeling the strain of it but he's playing music Saturday, leaving the house in late morning and probably not returning until early morning (1-2:00 am) the next day, so we wouldn't really be seeing much of each other over the weekend, anyway. Knowing how distant we're feeling from one another, we've talked about the need to create time to be alone together next week. I'm hoping that the youth and I will arrive home early enough for Hammy and I to go out together for an hour or so Sunday evening. We'll have to play it by ear, I reckon.

This is only my second time being a Friendly Adult Presence at a SAYF retreat. The last time was Declan's first retreat probably almost 3 years ago when I drove to Asheville with Finn, who was still a nursling, and the teens. That time I hung out at the retreat but Finn, who was a toddler, required the majority of my attention. I didn't really get to visit with the adults or get to know the youth. Hammy and I helped drive to last year's Atlanta retreat but we didn't hang out at all. I am feeling some little amount of trepidation because I get the impression that the FAPs all know each other well and all have the routine down. I have no idea what my role or responsibilities will be or what will be expected of me and I don't have any established relationships with anyone except my son, who avoids me at all costs. I dislike feeling an outsider trying to fit in, although I think it's good to feel that sometimes just to remind me to always be welcoming of others who are newcomers.

I've made myself a mix CD of all my favorite "Soul" music; 4 CDs actually, with Van Morrison comprising about a third of all the songs. Here's the lyrics to one of my favorite Billy Bragg songs:

"Some Days I See the Point" by Billy Bragg

Never saw a meaningful tv advert,
I don’t think shopping is a metaphor for life
Don’t waste my time at the gym in the morning,
try to keep trim by living my life

Wanna feel the wind blowing in my hair,
Wanna hear the waves crashing on the beach
I’m not seeking easy answers or inner peace
I’m just looking for some release

I want to help to make the world better
but I can’t do it all on my own
Try to keep the lid on my disappointment
‘cos cynicism’s such a cop out I know

Watch the shadows of clouds moving on the hill
Open my eyes and drink my fill
On those days that I feel dejected
I come up here for a bit of perspective

Gonna follow the path that climbs up through the trees
Walk along the cliff top and gaze out to sea
I feel free when I come up here
And if it's clear some days I see the point

Morning Has Broken

The weather has finally begun to cool and it smells like autumn outside. I feel so much more at home in my body and the world when my temperament and the weather are in agreement. In the summer I wake up anxiously awaiting the shift. In the autumn, I awaken singing. This morning and many mornings since I was a girl, the song has been "Morning Has Broken". Imagine my delight when I began attending Nashville Friends Meeting and found this song in our hymnal! Here's a link to a Cat Stevens performance on Youtube.

Morning Has Broken

As Sung by Cat Stevens
lyrics by Eleanor Farjeon

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day

Intention

My intention for today is to quiet myself and create still moments in which to listen for Spirit. I have two interviews scheduled, need to make several phone calls to potential respondents, will probably drive my oldest to a friend's house, will help my younger two with their school work and will go out to work this evening-my usual, busy, crazy day. Today I will seek out the silence amidst the bustle so I may feel/hear/sense God within.



"Silent Worship of the Virtue of Prudence" by Cliff Coleman