always in chaos; after seeing something out of the corner of my eye once or twice and not attending to it, it becomes "normal" to me. Crooked pictures on the walls, "sock bombs", piles of books all become part of normal almost immediately and then I stop seeing them at all). Music is one thing that I do to bring myself to awareness of God. Unfortunately, because I spend most of my time working at home, with my children, I'm not able to play my music often. When I put something on that I care to hear, the kids all complain and then they want to play their music, which raises my blood pressure (double kick drums could be used as an instrument of torture on the middle aged. Heavy metal, particularly the Swedish "death metal" that my oldest listens to is created to evoke images quite the opposite of the Divine). I do have the refrain from the Van Morrison song, "when will I ever learn to live in God, when will I ever learn? (s)He gives me everything I need and more, when will I ever learn?" almost all the time in my head, like a mantra or a prayer.
My ex-husband, the guy that brought me to Nashville, was a musician and music journalist. He wrote newspaper and magazine articles about music and wrote a lot of bios for artists. He interviewed bunches of artists and entertainers "back in the day" (20 years ago). I used to go with him to the interviews. I've never been starstruck. I was young and a little shy back when we were together, so I didn't really have much to say to most of the the people he met. There were a few people he interviewed who were really nice (Nicolette Larson and Bela Fleck stand out in my mind) but most were just folks doing their jobs, not wanting to do anything above and beyond and I respected that and left them alone.
Living in Nashville one bumps into all kinds of well-known people in restaurants, book stores or around. Even when I see artists who's work I really like, I don't have anything to say. I mean really, what could I say that they haven't heard fifty-million times before? I just smile the way I would at anyone I vaguely recognize and leave them alone.
I feel differently about Van Morrison. I feel like he's one of my mentors, in a way; an "anam cara" for those who know about soul friends. His body of music speaks to me in a deeper place than 
most songwriters. His quest is spiritual and he writes from his truth. His songs help to guide me, sometimes awakening me to greater awareness than I've found on my own.
most songwriters. His quest is spiritual and he writes from his truth. His songs help to guide me, sometimes awakening me to greater awareness than I've found on my own. Hammy and I have discussed what we would say to Van if we met him. Used to be that we both agreed that we could not possibly say anything to him that he would care about hearing. Lately though, I've had the sense that I am ready to meet him. I could tell him about how I listened to "Poetic Champions Compose" in a desert in the middle of a beautiful velvet-black night when the bus I was riding on broke down and how the music fit the lonely, excited, scared and contented feeling in my soul. But I don't think he would care about that. I think what I would ask him is if he had ever been to a Quaker Meeting and what he thought about it.
Does this sound crazy? I've never been a "fan" of anyone (well, since I outgrew my crushes on Donny Osmond and Michael Jackson back in 1973). I'm pretty embarrassed to be saying all of this in a public forum but this is where I am. I am sorta of the belief that one has to "voice" one's intentions in order to open oneself to the possibility, so that's what I'm doing. Van Morrison has taught me some wonderful things and, if nothing else, I'm writing this as a way to say "thanks" for what I've learned.
What does any of this have to do with prayer? I'm not sure other than some of Van's songs being hymns for me. And so we'll end with this "Hymns to the Silence."
Oh my dear,
oh my dear sweet love
Oh my dear, oh my dear sweet love
When I'm away from you,
when I'm away from you
Well I feel, yeah, well I feel so sad and blue
Well I feel, well I feel so sad and blue
Oh my dear, oh my dear, oh my dear sweet love
When I'm away from you, I just have to sing, my hymns
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Oh my dear, oh my dear sweet love
it's a long, long journey
Long, long journey, journey back home
Back home to you, feel you by my side
Long journey, journey, journey
Yeah in the midnight, in the midnight, I burn the candle
Burn the candle at both ends, burn the candle at both ends
Burn the candle at both ends, burn the candle at both ends
And I keep on, 'cause I can't sleep at night
Until the daylight comes through
And I just, and I just, have to sing
Sing my hymns to the silence
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
My hymns to the silence
I wanna go out in the countryside
Oh sit by the clear, cool, crystal water
Get my spirit, way back to the feeling
Deep in my soul, I wanna feel
Oh so close to the One, close to the One
Close to the One, close to the One
And that's why, I keep on singing baby
My hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Oh my hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Oh hymns to the silence, oh hymns to the silence
Oh hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Oh my dear, my dear sweet love
Can you feel the silence? can you feel the silence?
Can you feel the silence? can you feel the silence?
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
Hymns to the silence, hymns to the silence
No comments:
Post a Comment