In reading over my last couple of posts, I see the word "I" a bunch: "I'm doing this," "I've been asked to do that..." Used to woulda been that I'd be getting all big-headed puffed up with activity, feeling self-important because I'm so busy and connected. I've begun moving beyond my ego being so immediately affected by my busy-ness. The title for yesterday's post actually is how I'm feeling; more like a servant of God and my spiritual community. At this moment, I feel I'm moving beyond ego gratification to allowing myself to be part of Christ's body on Earth. There's a wonderful sense of peace and rightness in where I am.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Growing in Light
In reading over my last couple of posts, I see the word "I" a bunch: "I'm doing this," "I've been asked to do that..." Used to woulda been that I'd be getting all big-headed puffed up with activity, feeling self-important because I'm so busy and connected. I've begun moving beyond my ego being so immediately affected by my busy-ness. The title for yesterday's post actually is how I'm feeling; more like a servant of God and my spiritual community. At this moment, I feel I'm moving beyond ego gratification to allowing myself to be part of Christ's body on Earth. There's a wonderful sense of peace and rightness in where I am.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Opportunities to Serve
Penelope will be coming to town to lead our Nashville Monthly Meeting regional gathering in March. She is a graduate of "School of the Spirit" and will speak about her experiences in that spiritual community. She emailed me last week to say that she has heard such wonderful things about our spiritual formation group that she would like me to co-lead the gathering with the focus on spiritual formation. I replied that I don't really think I did much other than to throw an idea out that seemed to resonate with a number of other people but that I am happy to work with her, to learn with and from her.
I am so nurtured and supported by the large and my small spiritual formation groups. I feel like we've created a group of people who are coming to share a vocabulary for experiences of Spirit. I feel an intimacy with the 13 others so that when I make a statement or offer a suggestion about matters spiritual, I feel understood. I know I am not alone in my longing for more intimacy with others in our meeting and with God. Even when we are just talking, socializing, I feel a warmth and closeness that was not there before. And I think this intimacy is extending to the larger NFM community. Because 14 of us feel closer and more intimately connected with one another and truly known and supported, I think we have more to give to the larger community. We are deepening our awareness of Spirit for ourselves as individuals, as a group and for our meeting at large.
I'd been worrying about what I would do or say for the regional gathering but I trust that God will lead me to the resources I need to create an interesting and dynamic activity for everyone. I know I can bring this to those in my GIL group and they will support me and hold me in God's light. It's so great knowing I don't have to "front", that I can be vulnerable and imperfect and will be loved and nurtured.
Next week at meeting, our second hour will be about racism, lead by a woman from a New England Friends meeting. She will be talking about her experiences. I have been increasingly aware of the classism which seems almost inherent in Quakerism in general. I'd asked if I could lead a 2nd hour about class issues and am now scheduled for the following week, the first Sunday in February.
I think I want to begin by talking about what privilege is and how we have benefited from things beyond our control: The color of our skin, parental education, parental stability and financial security, etc. (at this point, I'd like to recommend the book "White Like Me: Reflections on Race by a Privileged Son" by Tim Wise). I'd like to talk about how welcoming we are to newcomers to our meeting. I think it would be interesting to hold up a series of pictures of "typical" Americans and ask everybody to, using their usual attitudes, put the people in the pictures in one of three categories: will feel comfortable at NFM, may feel comfortable or, will not fit in. I think I may send this article out via email prior to that Sunday so people will have the opportunity to read and reflect on how we may be perceived by newcomers (the article is not Quaker but it does express the inherent "weirdness" of many crunchy granola progressive types, which our liberal, unprogrammed, highly educated meeting certainly is).
Caroline and I will lead the large Growing in the Light meeting in March. We chose the topics for each month and opted to lead the topic of "Obedience". I'm not yet sure where we're heading but I'm thinking about a worship sharing about a time in which we were guided by spirit to do something and were obedient. I don't think discernment and obedience mean the same thing but I understand them to be connected when it comes to the will of God. "Not my will but thine" and "Trust and Obey" and "proceed as way opens" and "Live up to the Light thee has and more will be given thee". What is obedience? How do we know when we are being obedient? What happens when we do not obey? How are discernment and obedience related? These are all questions we could explore.
I am so nurtured and supported by the large and my small spiritual formation groups. I feel like we've created a group of people who are coming to share a vocabulary for experiences of Spirit. I feel an intimacy with the 13 others so that when I make a statement or offer a suggestion about matters spiritual, I feel understood. I know I am not alone in my longing for more intimacy with others in our meeting and with God. Even when we are just talking, socializing, I feel a warmth and closeness that was not there before. And I think this intimacy is extending to the larger NFM community. Because 14 of us feel closer and more intimately connected with one another and truly known and supported, I think we have more to give to the larger community. We are deepening our awareness of Spirit for ourselves as individuals, as a group and for our meeting at large.
I'd been worrying about what I would do or say for the regional gathering but I trust that God will lead me to the resources I need to create an interesting and dynamic activity for everyone. I know I can bring this to those in my GIL group and they will support me and hold me in God's light. It's so great knowing I don't have to "front", that I can be vulnerable and imperfect and will be loved and nurtured.
Next week at meeting, our second hour will be about racism, lead by a woman from a New England Friends meeting. She will be talking about her experiences. I have been increasingly aware of the classism which seems almost inherent in Quakerism in general. I'd asked if I could lead a 2nd hour about class issues and am now scheduled for the following week, the first Sunday in February.
I think I want to begin by talking about what privilege is and how we have benefited from things beyond our control: The color of our skin, parental education, parental stability and financial security, etc. (at this point, I'd like to recommend the book "White Like Me: Reflections on Race by a Privileged Son" by Tim Wise). I'd like to talk about how welcoming we are to newcomers to our meeting. I think it would be interesting to hold up a series of pictures of "typical" Americans and ask everybody to, using their usual attitudes, put the people in the pictures in one of three categories: will feel comfortable at NFM, may feel comfortable or, will not fit in. I think I may send this article out via email prior to that Sunday so people will have the opportunity to read and reflect on how we may be perceived by newcomers (the article is not Quaker but it does express the inherent "weirdness" of many crunchy granola progressive types, which our liberal, unprogrammed, highly educated meeting certainly is).
Caroline and I will lead the large Growing in the Light meeting in March. We chose the topics for each month and opted to lead the topic of "Obedience". I'm not yet sure where we're heading but I'm thinking about a worship sharing about a time in which we were guided by spirit to do something and were obedient. I don't think discernment and obedience mean the same thing but I understand them to be connected when it comes to the will of God. "Not my will but thine" and "Trust and Obey" and "proceed as way opens" and "Live up to the Light thee has and more will be given thee". What is obedience? How do we know when we are being obedient? What happens when we do not obey? How are discernment and obedience related? These are all questions we could explore.
Spirit in business meeting
Yesterday was 3rd Sunday, which is Meeting for Worship for the Conduct of Business at Nashville Friends Meeting. For about the last year, we have combined our business meeting with meeting for worship. Attendance and attention to business has increased dramatically; more people are involved and aware of the decisions that have to be made to make our meeting run smoothly and I feel that we are more aware of Spirit being the foundation for any decision (sense of the meeting).
I stayed in the classroom of my youngest son for a little while, talking with the teacher and a young mother. When I walked into MfWftCoB, they were in the midst of "discussing" how well the combined format works for people. I put discussing in quotes because I don't believe it should be a discussion: I am coming to understand and believe that conduction business in meeting should be God-centered, although we don't seem to be very aware of that much of the time. I walked in with well defined beliefs about Spirit in our midst. I settled down, meaning to center for a moment, to gather my thoughts before speaking my piece but then was lead to still myself and sit in silent worship, holding those in attendance and the proceedings of the business meeting in the Light. I don't think I've ever been in a state in which I was so aware of, yet so detached from, what was going on around me. Even when my name was brought up in connection to an upcoming event, I didn't feel the need to respond or add anything. I staying in a state of worshipful awareness, thinking about how God (Spirit, the One) is always at the center of everything we do and are, although we aren't usually paying much attention.
After Meeting for Worship, I spoke with our recording clerk and another F/friend about the potential for growth in business meetings. Both of these women are part of Growing In the Light with me and whom I feel quite close to. We talked about the potential for MfWftCoB to be a true expression of Spirit in our midst. Another of the members of GIL avoids all business proceedings at our meeting because he feels frustrated by them and feels they are a waste of his time. I understand where he is coming from and why. I envision business meetings being a true expression of Spirit with the potential to actually nourish and nurture attenders.
I believe that business meeting has the potential to be, what is known in Quaker parlance, as gathered (which, to me, means all present are actively aware of Spirit unifying everyone and there is harmony and comfort with the elements of elation and joy). What I envision is for us to check our egos at the door and enter into meeting for WORSHIP for the conduct of business with the same sense of openness and waiting upon Spirit the we bring with us into our weekly Meetings for Worship and into our daily spiritual practices. I would like for us to have more silence between agenda items and more silence between comments. I'm as guilty as anyone of having to "put in my two cents" about topics about which I have any kind of opinion. I'm beginning to understand, though, that sitting in silent waiting for Spirit to lead me to speak is the only way to really allow the true Sense of the Meeting to prevail. I believe we could conduct a business meeting with very little talking except for the clerk and recording clerk and Spirit given messages from those in attendance.
I'm a talker, full of strong opinions. I'm not one to sit and wait for directions; I take charge and make things happen. I think the first step, for me, in all things Spirit related (which is everything in life) is to stop, settle and wait. I know that God "speaks" to me, guides me, leads me to where I need to be (sometimes, frustratingly, by a series of "doors" closing). I trust God to show me the way but I have to continuously be reminded to "shut up and listen". So often I'm making so much noise, so many plans and brilliant ideas, that I can't hear the "still, soft voice" showing me to the place I'm supposed to be. Yesterday, being directed to sit in silent waiting was a gift and a blessing.
I stayed in the classroom of my youngest son for a little while, talking with the teacher and a young mother. When I walked into MfWftCoB, they were in the midst of "discussing" how well the combined format works for people. I put discussing in quotes because I don't believe it should be a discussion: I am coming to understand and believe that conduction business in meeting should be God-centered, although we don't seem to be very aware of that much of the time. I walked in with well defined beliefs about Spirit in our midst. I settled down, meaning to center for a moment, to gather my thoughts before speaking my piece but then was lead to still myself and sit in silent worship, holding those in attendance and the proceedings of the business meeting in the Light. I don't think I've ever been in a state in which I was so aware of, yet so detached from, what was going on around me. Even when my name was brought up in connection to an upcoming event, I didn't feel the need to respond or add anything. I staying in a state of worshipful awareness, thinking about how God (Spirit, the One) is always at the center of everything we do and are, although we aren't usually paying much attention.
After Meeting for Worship, I spoke with our recording clerk and another F/friend about the potential for growth in business meetings. Both of these women are part of Growing In the Light with me and whom I feel quite close to. We talked about the potential for MfWftCoB to be a true expression of Spirit in our midst. Another of the members of GIL avoids all business proceedings at our meeting because he feels frustrated by them and feels they are a waste of his time. I understand where he is coming from and why. I envision business meetings being a true expression of Spirit with the potential to actually nourish and nurture attenders.
I believe that business meeting has the potential to be, what is known in Quaker parlance, as gathered (which, to me, means all present are actively aware of Spirit unifying everyone and there is harmony and comfort with the elements of elation and joy). What I envision is for us to check our egos at the door and enter into meeting for WORSHIP for the conduct of business with the same sense of openness and waiting upon Spirit the we bring with us into our weekly Meetings for Worship and into our daily spiritual practices. I would like for us to have more silence between agenda items and more silence between comments. I'm as guilty as anyone of having to "put in my two cents" about topics about which I have any kind of opinion. I'm beginning to understand, though, that sitting in silent waiting for Spirit to lead me to speak is the only way to really allow the true Sense of the Meeting to prevail. I believe we could conduct a business meeting with very little talking except for the clerk and recording clerk and Spirit given messages from those in attendance.
I'm a talker, full of strong opinions. I'm not one to sit and wait for directions; I take charge and make things happen. I think the first step, for me, in all things Spirit related (which is everything in life) is to stop, settle and wait. I know that God "speaks" to me, guides me, leads me to where I need to be (sometimes, frustratingly, by a series of "doors" closing). I trust God to show me the way but I have to continuously be reminded to "shut up and listen". So often I'm making so much noise, so many plans and brilliant ideas, that I can't hear the "still, soft voice" showing me to the place I'm supposed to be. Yesterday, being directed to sit in silent waiting was a gift and a blessing.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The Meaning of Life
As I stayed in bed this morning, pretending that the sun wasn't up, I was thinking about my scooter and my ego and attention. I've written about wanting to wait to get a scooter until it wouldn't puff me all up and be an ego thing. I don't know if I've changed much since writing the previous post except to say that in writing about it, I became aware of the potential for egotrap. (As I've also written before: ego=sin and sin=anything that comes between me and my relationship with God)
My almost teen, Zed, has been going around asking "What's the meaning of life?" I think there's actually a punchline that follows the question (along the lines of 42 from "Hitchhikers Guide") but I've been too distracted whenever he's asked to pay attention to what follows.
As I hid under the covers, I thought about that question and my answer this morning is: To reflect God. I think about my scooter and myself and how I usually live as if I am the center of my life and how I want to live so that God's Light shines through me. My scooter is a symbol of my commitment to caring for God' creation, Earth, and I need to keep that foremost in my heart and head so my ego doesn't get caught up in the "coolness" factor.
My almost teen, Zed, has been going around asking "What's the meaning of life?" I think there's actually a punchline that follows the question (along the lines of 42 from "Hitchhikers Guide") but I've been too distracted whenever he's asked to pay attention to what follows.
As I hid under the covers, I thought about that question and my answer this morning is: To reflect God. I think about my scooter and myself and how I usually live as if I am the center of my life and how I want to live so that God's Light shines through me. My scooter is a symbol of my commitment to caring for God' creation, Earth, and I need to keep that foremost in my heart and head so my ego doesn't get caught up in the "coolness" factor.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
People who need People
Well, I've gone and done it...
Yup, I've got me a scooter. I have not allowed myself the WOO-HOO elation as yet because I still don't have a helmet or the
M(otorcycle) endorsement for my driver's license. As a matter of fact, my brand new Kymco People 150 has been sitting in my garage, completely out of gas since I purchased it a week ago. I've gotten insurance and yesterday, I finally registered it and got a license plate (2991ZT). The reason I don't yet have a helmet is that I have a really small head. I was not aware of my head size as being a problem until I tried to buy a helmet. The friendly man, James, at East Side Scooters had to order a large child's size helmet (color: Black)for my teeny little head. I also have a Corazzo motorcycle jacket on order in my size (color: Black) made out of Kevlar so I can be shot in the shoulder while riding to no more ill effect than a nasty bruise (the latest in safety for motorcycle riding is to line the points of impact in a crash with the same stuff used for bullet-proof vests used by police. My back and shoulders will be covered by the ultimate shoulder pads). I also have a huge top case on order for me to carry all my work-related gear around with me.
So, what does it look like? Taa-daa:
And how, you may ask, am I justifying this purchase? Well, I've got a new work project coming up next month (federal survey of commercial building energy consumption patterns). Because I'll be working with people at their businesses I'll be working mainly M-F 9-5. All my previous work projects have involved locating respondents in their homes so the hours have been generally evenings and weekends and Hammy and I could share the car. This time, I'd have to drive him to work every day or borrow my dad's truck. This scooter gets 84 miles to the gallon. My dad's truck gets around 23 and Hammy's car gets around 27. I get $.50 a mile in reimbursement and drive an average of 300 miles each week for the first 20 weeks of a new project. I've been hired to work this project and then a Science Foundation project in April (the two projects will overlap for 6-8 weeks so I'll be working 40 hours during that time). The scoot will quickly pay for itself over the next 6 months. The People 150 is gas powered but it is one of the cleanest burning bikes available. I will be having a much smaller impact on the environment riding than I would if I were driving.
I am happy to finally have a scooter but I also feel really good about how it will help me reduce my environmental "footprint". I've been perplexed about how to reduce the impact of how much I am required to drive for my job. Quitting wouldn't help because they would just hire someone else to do the job; someone who would not know the area as well and so would work less efficiently, thus would drive more. Driving a scooter is the best compromise I can come up with until Nashville improves it's bus system. And it's going to be so much fun!!!
Yup, I've got me a scooter. I have not allowed myself the WOO-HOO elation as yet because I still don't have a helmet or the
M(otorcycle) endorsement for my driver's license. As a matter of fact, my brand new Kymco People 150 has been sitting in my garage, completely out of gas since I purchased it a week ago. I've gotten insurance and yesterday, I finally registered it and got a license plate (2991ZT). The reason I don't yet have a helmet is that I have a really small head. I was not aware of my head size as being a problem until I tried to buy a helmet. The friendly man, James, at East Side Scooters had to order a large child's size helmet (color: Black)for my teeny little head. I also have a Corazzo motorcycle jacket on order in my size (color: Black) made out of Kevlar so I can be shot in the shoulder while riding to no more ill effect than a nasty bruise (the latest in safety for motorcycle riding is to line the points of impact in a crash with the same stuff used for bullet-proof vests used by police. My back and shoulders will be covered by the ultimate shoulder pads). I also have a huge top case on order for me to carry all my work-related gear around with me.
So, what does it look like? Taa-daa:
(yeah, I know I'm a total nerd)
And how, you may ask, am I justifying this purchase? Well, I've got a new work project coming up next month (federal survey of commercial building energy consumption patterns). Because I'll be working with people at their businesses I'll be working mainly M-F 9-5. All my previous work projects have involved locating respondents in their homes so the hours have been generally evenings and weekends and Hammy and I could share the car. This time, I'd have to drive him to work every day or borrow my dad's truck. This scooter gets 84 miles to the gallon. My dad's truck gets around 23 and Hammy's car gets around 27. I get $.50 a mile in reimbursement and drive an average of 300 miles each week for the first 20 weeks of a new project. I've been hired to work this project and then a Science Foundation project in April (the two projects will overlap for 6-8 weeks so I'll be working 40 hours during that time). The scoot will quickly pay for itself over the next 6 months. The People 150 is gas powered but it is one of the cleanest burning bikes available. I will be having a much smaller impact on the environment riding than I would if I were driving.
I am happy to finally have a scooter but I also feel really good about how it will help me reduce my environmental "footprint". I've been perplexed about how to reduce the impact of how much I am required to drive for my job. Quitting wouldn't help because they would just hire someone else to do the job; someone who would not know the area as well and so would work less efficiently, thus would drive more. Driving a scooter is the best compromise I can come up with until Nashville improves it's bus system. And it's going to be so much fun!!!
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