Sunday, November 11, 2007

Compassion break through

I've had a bit of a compassion break-through this past week. Two relationships that have been causing me some amount of frustration, sorrow or anger have, through the grace of compassion, become clearer for me.

One is the relationship with an old friend. Over a year ago, this friend did something to me that hurt me very badly and made me seriously rethink our friendship and distance myself from her. I told her how I felt, and why and she responded by saying that we needed to talk but then never brought the subject up again. Over time, I became very angry and cynical about her and her approach to our mutual interests. I discussed the situation with a couple of other people who agreed that her action was uncool but couldn't suggest solutions. Over the year, while I haven't been able to avoid seeing this former friend, I kept my distance and spoke with her as little as I could. Recently, we were sort of forced, by circumstance and deliberate choice on her part, to be together. As we sat and made small talk, I could "see" the true goodness of her heart. I felt something break open in me and the anger melted away. I don't know that I will trust her or hold her as a "bosom" friend as I once did, but I no longer feel the hurt or cynicism I'd been carrying toward her.

Something also happened with the person I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. I learned something about her that caused me to feel great compassion for her. Again, I felt something crack in me that let me see her in a new light with eyes of love rather than with ego/judgment.

I don't know where this will lead but I will try to allow myself to be open to where God is leading me. Love is pretty scary sometimes. Remaining open to God's leading can be very scary. What if God leads me to do something I'm don't feel ready for. What if I have to change my perceptions of myself?

I have other relationships which need healing on my part. I have not been able to approach them with love, yet. I will pray for guidance and for the strength and courage to follow God's will.

1 comment:

Liz Opp said...

What if God leads me to do something I'm don't feel ready for. What if I have to change my perceptions of myself?

Well, this is the crux of what it means to have faith, huh?

I can relate to the tenderness of feeling ourselves crack open in love. I hope you'll continue to be gentle with yourself and keep open to God's grace.

Liz Opp, The Good Raised Up