I've committed to my spiritual discipline for this coming year via my commitment to Growing In the Light spiritual formation group. Praying every day is one of my ways of drawing closer to God (duh). (ideally, all my thoughts and actions would be prayer). I generally try to spend several minutes in prayer each morning but lately, the Chihuahua has been getting into speed or something because I can not get her to stop yapping and running in circles. Monkey mind has nothing on this hyperactive little dog. Sheesh.
So, this morning I tried to pray and got distracted by this, that and everything else. And I thought, "this dog is running my life! I need to learn to tame the chihuahua". I've read about and studied on and done everything with meditation except to ever really learn to meditate. I think meditation is the best way to try to give the chihuahua some amount of discipline. I know that I can't clear my mind-there is no way I can not think or think of nothing. That whole "clouds across a sky" imagery gets too convoluted for me because first the cloud is a bunny then it morphs into a horse and then the chihuahua is off and yipping. I decided to breathe in four counts, breathe out four counts and focus on my breathing. Which I did for probably 2 or 3 minutes (which is GREAT for me, believe it or not) when I found my attention beginning to wander a bit. I pulled it back to "breath in, breath out" a couple of times..."breathe in, breathe out...what time is my first appointment this morning?...breathe in, breathe..did I just hear Carmac? What's he doing awake already? He needs more...breathe in, breathe out...breathe in, breathe out...man, this is boring". ?!! Yes. I said boring. My mind being even remotely still for a moment I found to be boring. Wow. That is incredibly telling. I use the chihuahua to keep me entertained and occupied. I love my rapid-cycle mental acrobatics. I love running in circles and yapping at every passing whim; they stimulate me and keep me on my toes. I am Walter Mitty. I am the Incredible Mr. Limpett. I am not rooted in reality.
Obviously, I need to work on this. I will go think about it right now. Yip, yip, yip.