Yesterday was my first day "in the field" for this project. I spent 5.5 hours driving around a town I'm unfamiliar with. Because it was daytime and the neighborhoods were mostly made up of young people (as opposed to neighborhoods full of retired folks), I only encountered a couple of people at home. When I left my house, I stopped by the library and picked up a few books on tape. I began listening to a book co-written with the Dalai Lama which helped me with perspective. I actually remained pretty centered. I did not allow myself to grip anxiety as I pulled up in front of my case households. Only once did I feel tension as I stood on a porch waiting for the door to be answered and as I felt it, I let it go.
Attachment to an outcome is centered in my ego. Centering on God, on that which is eternal in me, helps me to be aware of my ego and refocus. But what is this job without outcome? When I stand on a porch, I do need to have a goal or what is the point of being there at all? I am attached to this job simply because I have the job. I'm working because my family needs my income. But if I trust in God, God will help me (through my intuition) meet my and my family's needs. If I fail at this project and am replaced, my family may have a more difficult time paying bills which may force us to do even more serious consolidating of our expenses. Comparing ourselves with most of the people in our lives, I can't see much that we could eliminate. Comparing ourselves with most other people in the world and throughout history, we're wealthy beyond belief. If I can let go of attachment to our "things" (including our house and the one car we have-both of which our society would deem necessities) then I can let go of attachment to any particular outcome for this job in general and for each individual case. I am striving to see 'that of God' in each individual and, especially, in myself.