I'm spending the day at home, organizing my supplies and waiting for my laptop to arrive via FedEx.
Training went well, or at least not any better or any worse than usual. I'll be working with a new (to me) manager. She seems tough, although competent. I get the impression that she does not have children and will have no sympathy for childish interruptions during our weekly reporting calls or needing to reschedule for DR appointments. We'll see.
I already have enough of a work load to make me feel overwhelmed. I don't have my full case-load and I currently have 66 cases in 3 counties. I have at least twice as many cases as anyone else I talked to (I'm guessing they couldn't get another FI to work this project so gave me everything). I have no idea how I'll be able to juggle that amount of work with a lack of transportation until 6:00 each weekday evening.
When I think of making contact with my cases, parking my car and walking up to a front door, I begin to feel a great deal of tension. I could easily get overwhelmingly stressed. I keep needing to stop and remind myself that none of this really matters; like I have to hit the emotional/spiritual "reset" button.
The thing is that I really do believe that the purpose of my job is beneficial to society, if I didn't, there's no way I could do it. Each survey I've worked has been important, but I think this one may be the most important. The agency of the Federal Government that oversees economic policy relies on the data from this survey to create the policies that impact all of us, so it's really important to get honest, accurate information about real Americans. I'm good at my job. I conduct each interview professionally and impartially. I try to help each respondent understand just why it is so important to have his or her opinions and experiences represented. But it's still incredibly stressful to approach a stranger's door and have no idea what will happen if and when the door is answered -kind of like that scene in the "Yellow Submarine" in which two of the Beatles are trying to find the others and Fred and keep opening doors to be greeted by tigers and clowns and what-have-yous.
I'm finishing this post up the next day-Tuesday. I spent hours yesterday organizing my supplies and trying to set my laptop up to transmit (which it still would not do as of 10:00 last night. I'll be calling tech support in a few minutes again. Because the confidentiality on this survey is so important (I'm legally bound by 3 federal laws) we have increased security on our laptops and I now have so many passwords that I can't remember them all. When I go to log in to this blog I can't remember the password I've been using for months.
I'm trying to not let the stress of this moment eclipse my awareness of God within. I'm trying to remain aware of Spirit flowing through me; trying to allow myself to be a channel for Spirit so God through me can speak to God in those I encounter-on the job and off. I am trying to let my life be a prayer so that I reflect God in my actions and speech. But it is so hard to know the impermanence of each moment when I'm feeling such discomfort. Reset. God. Tension. Reset (breathe). God.